My own aMusement

Learning Curve - Friends that come and go

2012-01-31T15:36:00.000-08:00

Its been a long time since my last post. I look at the date on that post and I think back that it was the day before I met the most amazing young man. I'm going to sound like my parents when I say that I look around at the up and coming youth and I worry. Maybe it is the area that I live in - I live in an under served area of the high desert of Southern California. I work in one of the 10 poorest areas in the State. 50% of the residents of Barstow are on some type of assistance. But I really believe that greatness can arise like a Phoenix from the ashes if there is a spark of fire in the belly of those who live an in that area that do not have all of the perks. There was a time in the last century that the schools in Harlem, NY rivaled those of the white schools because parents believed that you should grab onto every opportunity and not fear hard work; it is something to be proud of. Now, as the "haves" are glorified on TV and in sports, "thug life" envied in music and culture, those who are willing to work hard and do the right thing are becoming a rare thing indeed. This why when I think of Evan, I will be amazed.

Aren't these pics great? Evan took them and his Dad, Kerry was kind enough to send them to me. Yes, I was that impressed. Evan LOVES Astronomy - as a matter of fact, that is a career choice, thank you very much. He took these photos from his telescope and a regular digital camera. When I look at these, I see not only color and shape, something I'm drawn to, but I am seeing the past - perhaps millions of years in the past - and Evan caught that moment in the past that will never bee seen again.
That isn't the only reason why I will remember Evan, it is that he was dedicated to learning music and was learning classical piano. Music and the "logical" sciences/math go hand in hand together I'm told. Evan loves his family, and when I met him, he and his Dad were on the way home from seeing his Grandfather. The pictures of that trip made me want to take it myself. "The boys" smiling back at me from the desert of the American Southwest. The more I learned about this extraordinary young man, I had a glimmer of hope for my grandkids future. This is a young man that is going to do great things and shows the kind of dedication to his future that I haven't seen much. The more his Dad spoke to me, the more excited I became.
Only, I never met Evan, not in person anyway. I met him through his Dad. You see, on their way home, there was an accident. And it really was just that, although at the time, I don't think I was able to convince his Dad of that. From what I learned a tire blew out on the highway, and the truck rolled. Evan was ejected and once help arrived, he was flown from the scene to a different hospital. Our little facility, while being the last hospital on the way out of the State, doesn't have the equipment to handle major trauma. Dad had minor injuries and major heartache, worry, and fear. That is where I join the story. My job, in my heart, was to be there to listen to the stories and provide company in an strange environment and stress-full situation. We waited together until Kerry's brother could arrive from the Santa Barbara area to take them both to Loma Linda University Medical Center to see Evan.
During our time together I made some phone calls for him, trying to arrange transportation and to find out what little information I could for him given the federal privacy laws.
At 1039 p.m. on August 14, 2011 I received a phone call from a family member telling me that Evan had passed away. The hospitals that Evan had been at are top-notch and I admire both of them, but the injuries were too great. Part of my heart wanted the miracle for this family. I wanted it for me because this was one extra-ordinary young man. I haven't heard from the family since, but when I listen to the message on my phone, I send them a blessing of healing for their broken hearts.
I am lucky in my job, that I do get to see the best and the worst of people and situations. Such was a man by the name of John Thomas. When I first met him he was living at the only homeless shelter we have. He was hoping to get a job there which he did.. and by the way, was THRILLED to be off of the streets. No job was beneath him. John's problem was that years of smoking caught up with him. NO preaching here, just the truth and for the last 5 years I watched him go from inhalers, to getting him affordable medications for a "breathing machine" (Thank you Wal-Mart $4 program!), to needing a special machine at night to force air into his lungs and then 24/7 oxygen and a wheelchair. I watched his face bloat from the steroid use. But in all of that time I butted heads with him a few times, but never because he felt sorry for himself. And we were always honest with each other, which made it easier to speak with him the sicker he became; he knew he was dying, but he wanted to fight it even it that meant that he was going to NOT play by the rules.
COPD "attack" and for a few hours he couldn't speak more than 2 words without struggling. But that was OK, I was furious with him. So much so, that when the Doctor asked me to speak with him, I refused. But I did after calming myself down. You see, not playing the rules meant that this patient was endangering an outpatient program he was in as well as coming in and out of the hospital so frequently I was wondering why we ever would discharge him. But this is were open and honest discussion as well as a good helping of trust comes into play because the first thing I did was to tell him how angry I was and he still agreed to speak with me. My next words were "John, you are dying." There was a long space of silence between us before he told me that he was scared of dying...not death. It is the struggle to breathe that had him imagining what it would be like to die without medical help.
We had a long and (for me) anger free discussion after that. John agreed to go on hospice and give them a chance to work their magic and really help him and his wife through what was left of his life. At the end, we hugged, and he road his scooter out of the ER.
I didn't see him after that. I left on leave for my own surgery, something he wished me luck on. I asked him to check in with me after the first of the year. He didn't get the chance as John passed away, quietly and in his sleep on December 17th. It was what he wanted. For me, there is a tear-filled smile when I think of him.
Welcome to a new year. During this year, I hope you will make the most of your time with friends, family, and strangers. It is these encounters that leave marks on your heart and soul. They change who you are and how you move through this life. I am a better person for knowing both of these people, and I have learned so much about the depth of our ability to endure, survive, and thrive. Truvy, the wise-cracking hair stylist in the movie "Steel Magnolias" said that "Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion". Indeed, it is those times when we grow bigger and stronger as individuals while closing the gap between friends and strangers.
So to Evan, Kerry, John, James, Loretta, Linda Ruth, and the others that I have known, loved, and lost...thank you for being great teachers.
To you who have made it through the end of this rather long story, may you have laughter through tears with a heart full of precious memories and valuable lessons learned along the way.

SPA - Oriental

2011-08-13T21:45:00.000-07:00

I had fun with this prompt. The image of the 3 Geisha is from Tumblefish Studio. Marsha has some dynamite kits available at Deviant Scrap. The backgrounds have been altered in color to better match the kimono in the image. The background, bamboo, and frame are from Erica Belton at Digital Scrapbook Place.
It's no secret that I have a fascination with Geisha. I find that a woman who will dedicate her life to the arts and the pursuit of beauty a wonderful thing. Geisha are misunderstood by most and cherished as icons in Japan. But in truth, they are "arts person" which is one translation of the word Geisha.
I chose the image of "see no evil, hear no evil, speak, no evil" not just because it is a really nice image, but because these women are prized not only for their intelligence, graciousness, beauty, and talent, but also because they can be trusted never to divulge what is said during the course of an evening. They know everyone and no one all at the same time. They can hear much and speak little.
It is a fear that the Geisha tradition is going to die out. Fewer woman decide to turn the collar of their kimono from red of a Maiko (an apprentice) to white, becoming full Geisha. The turning of the collar, making it past the training period and embracing the life and business of being Geisha is a long, hard, well thought out process for any woman.
As much as I would love the opportunity to see and meet Geisha, I will not have that privilege in my life. So, I scan images on the internet and read books by those who have been lucky enough to part the bamboo screen and enter the Flower and Willow world.
If there is anyone reading this who have postcards of Geisha and would like to trade with me for one of my postcards, please contact me!

Serving Life - a documentary

2011-08-02T06:57:00.000-07:00

Serving Life - Trailer

I wish that I could have uploaded the video trailer to this extraordinary documentary. But the link will have to do for now.
I am a strong proponent for Hospice. If you do not know what hospice is, it is the idea the those who are moving on to the last stages of their lives, should do so at home without the unnecessary medical interventions, surrounded by friends and family - making memories to last their lifetimes, and to do so in comfort and as pain free as possible. (I realize that there are English teachers everywhere cringing at that sentence structure) If you believe that death should be fought tooth and nail up to the bitter end and then have CPR with perhaps mechanical ventilation, hospice isn't for you. Hospice is designed to add quality, not necessarily quantity to your life.
This documentary, shown on the Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN), is narrated by Forrest Whitaker. This hospice program is within the walls of Angola - Louisiana State Prision. As their Warden says, these are the worst of the worst with average sentences being 90 years. These men freely tell you what they did to get into the prison. Robbery, rape, murder, these men have done it all. But for some reason, they want to get into the facilities hospice program as a caretaker to the dying. This work is difficult having to bath, shave, dress, a man. Learning to change a bed with a patient in it, clean and dress pressure ulcers (bed sores), and in the end having to hold vigil at the bedside of a man whom you have carefully and lovingly taken care of, and watch him take his last breath in this life. As part of the program, there is a gentleman who makes quilts for the dying. All original designs, freehand. These quilts keep warm cold limbs and are a visual reminder to the patient that they are cared for by their prison family; they are not alone and will not die alone. These quilts accompany the patient either on their coffin or in their coffin.
This is a documentary that is, in my opinion, a must see. There is a metamorphosis of a sort that unfolds with those chosen to be in the program. From Killer to Caretaker is a fascinating change to see. None of those who were in the documentary used their hospice service as a stepping stone to parole, I didn't even see one who said that they were a "changed" man, to use a cliched term. In place of words, there was action, which for me, means more than words. Men who were hard and calloused became caring and empathetic.
There was an inner strength that develops with hospice. Doing "grunt" work day after day, changing diapers and dressing painful, smelly wounds and for what? What do you get in the end? Your patient dies; its nothing glamorous.
I cried watching this show. I cried for the those in the program, both patient and caretaker. I cried at the change in the lives of the caretakers. I cried to see the quilts made with such great care. I cried for the dignity shown to the patients, even to those who, if their crimes were made known, would probably have been killed by the prison population. All are equal in hospice. I cried for the family members who found their loved ones again. Families who have a second chance, and fathers who see that their actions will affect their sons and daughters for a lifetime and want to change that sentence.
I hope you click on the link and watch the trailer. I hope that you will be able to see the entire documentary. Serving the dying is serving life.

Three Muses Challenge - Oriental

2011-07-25T06:15:00.000-07:00

A new day and a new challenge! This one is from The Three Muses.

I have to admit that I am in awe of Geisha. Western culture doesn't really know what do think about Geisha. The American occupation of Japan saw a troubling change in the perception of what Geisha were. Geisha literally means Art Person. It is a woman who dedicates her life to the pursuit of beauty and art. When we think of Geisha we think of the alabaster white mask, red lips, swaying obi and beautiful kimono. That picture is actually a Geisha in training; a Maiko. These women traditionally started training at a very young age, learning the very strict protocol of a Geisha, working on her chosen art form - dance or music. Learning to keep conversation flowing, but never interjecting her own opinion but able to listen and keep secret what is being said. She is the most perfect of hostesses, making sure that her guests are supplied everything they need without asking. It is not about sex or love, it is about art. This life is as difficult as it is rewarding. It takes a very special person to take on the endless training that it takes to the business of being Geisha. That is partially the reason that the numbers of Geisha are declining. Another reason is that Geisha is not understood by those outside of Japanese culture. They are mysterious, even to glimpse one walking to her evening appointments is a special treat for Japanese and tourists alike.
This is an ATC (artist trading card). The images on the card are from Nice Crane Designs. The buddha bust is a brush that I downloaded free from the internet.

SPA - Summer

2011-07-17T05:06:00.000-07:00

This time I am not taking any chances! I was a few hours late on the last Sunday Postcard Art prompt - although they are gracious enough to still take my entry. (Thank you Donna and Mandy!)
This week the prompt is SUMMER. We have yet to make it to the hottest part of our summer here in the desert. We have gotten up to 103-105 degrees a couple of days, but for now we are 85-95 degrees and enjoying it. The nights being cool and we are able to sleep with the windows open. It is nice not to be the slave of the air conditioner.
As I said in the last post, I love the "pin up" or Vargas girls. Thanks to a site called Far Far Hill and to contributor's from Deviant Art, I have a nice little stash of pin up images.
I would like to thank -
Beth Rimmer at Deviant Scrap for her kit Nantucket. She provided the background and accessory images.
Thank you again to Far Far Hill for her Pin up girls. I have enjoyed creating with them and I am sure there will be plenty more creations where these came from!
And once again to Paula Kesselring for her photoshop brushes. I have used her frames again as a subtle accent.
These will be made into REAL postcards and sent to random users around the world via the site Postcrossing. (see right sidebar) I really do get a kick out of creating and sending these cards around the world. I have received some fantastic ones back in the mail! Although I am a bit bummed that the one I sent to India didn't make it to its recipient.
Have a great week!

SPA - Vintage Glamour

2011-07-16T17:24:00.000-07:00

Yea ME! The last day to turn in a postcard to Sunday Postcard Art and I got one done AND took the grandson to Big Bear (California) for the day.
The prompt was Vintage Glamour. The wonderful example has a turn of the century woman on it. Me? I really like the Vargas (and faux Vargas) girls. They have a wonderful, playful, sexuality that has me collecting more and more images. This too, for me, is Vintage Glamour.
For this card I have used the following items -
Createwings - the background paper from her kit Creation 23
Far Far Hill - the lovely pin up. She provides some wonderful freebies nearly every day.
Paula Kesselring - You may not be able to tell it, but this is a photoshop brush placed around the boarder of the paper. I then put it on overlay mode to darken the edges of the paper.
The corner boarders and the writing are also photoshop brushes that I got from free sources. I apologize if these are yours and I have forgotten who you are. I am humbly sorry and grateful for your wonderful work.
This postcard will go into my folder and into my rotation of postcards that I send out at Postcrossing.com.

A Grate-Full 4th

2011-07-03T21:06:00.000-07:00

Like many families, I enjoy spending the 4th of July outside playing games, grilling food, laughing - enjoying good times with great company, and waiting for it to get dark for the fireworks to begin. This 4th, like many in my profession, I will be working. I'm hoping to get home in time to watch the fireworks with my family, but that is never a guarantee. But that doesn't mean that I have forgotten the significance of the 4th of July. Far from it. As a family historian, I am very aware of the contributions of my family members to this history of America through their military service.
I humbly thank and I am thankful for -
Scott Sowieja - my own son-in-law. He served in the US Marine Corps in Iraq. Our lives are much better for him and for his service. Our family knew 36 hours of hell as communications were lost with him during an intense battle in Ramadi. We experienced a small slice of what our mothers and grandmothers before us went through. I remember sitting in a drive through at Wendy's, my phone ringing and hearing "Hi Mom" All I could say was "Oh my God!" over and over. Until I made the most brilliant of remark..."What do you need?" He said a "massage" and I realized that I could do nothing from literally a half a world away, but I knew that if I could get on a plane with my massage table right then and there, I would have. Scott came home on my birthday that year. I count that as one of the best birthday presents I have ever received. We love you Scott.
Mike Chapman - my Uncle. He enlisted in the US Army in 1934. He fought in WW 2 and Korea. Retiring in the late 1960's/early 1970's. A quiet man, he never spoke much about his service but a newspaper clipping states that he served in the Rhine campaign, receiving several decorations for his brave service. He passed away in 2009. He is one of my hero's having braved through several bouts of recurrent cancer and even becoming a century (100 mile) bike rider when in his 70's. He last tried to ride the Hotter -n-Hell in Wichita Falls, Texas, in 2005. He wasn't able to make it far due to his declining health. But he and I were able to make the start of the ride with 14,000 of our closest friends. (The Hotter-n-Hell is held the last weekend in August each year. Hence the name of the ride. They have rides from 6 mile family rides to 100 miles of in your face heat and humidity. Take your pick!)
Vollie Chapman - my Uncle and brother of Mike. He joined the Navy, and served in the Pacific Theater during WW 2. Vollie joined the military 12 December 1942 and died on 19 April 1945 during the Battle of Okinawa, just 6 days before Adolph Hitler and Eva Braun died via suicide in a German bunker. He was buried in Washington State in 1949. I have not figured out why there was a 4 year delay, but I thank the Veterans of Foreign Wars for assisting Sena, Vollies' wife, in bringing him home.
Roy G. Swanson - my maternal Grandfather. He was the son of Swedish immigrants, who enlisted for service in the Army during WW 1. I know that he was sent home from Europe while in France, but not much else (yet). He came home and led the quiet life of a farmer in Illinois, even hosting German POW's on his farm during the next World War. I met my Grandfather once. He was a gentle soul. I have a picture of my Grandfather in his Army uniform. I think about what he saw during his life, 2 World Wars, the "Spanish Flu" pandemic, the Great Depression, the Korean conflict and part of the Vietnam war, the assignation of both JFK. So much history in one lifetime.
Jesse Van Chapman - my paternal Grandfather. He enlisted for the 1st World War. There is no record of him serving, but he enlisted for service with small children at home. My Grandparents were married in 1910.
Valentine Martin - my G-G-Grandfather. He entered as a 2nd Lt. during the Civil War. He served for a short time in Company H, 41st Infantry, Georgia, CSA, also known as the "Wool Hat Boys". He was mustered out several months later. I have tried to find out why he only served from March to July, 1862. A very kind Professor of History at the University of Georgia has told me that he figures that while my ancestor could read and write, perhaps not to the level needed for an officer.
Captain Charles Weatherford - Captain Weatherford married one of my maternal G-G-Aunts, Martha Virginia Staples. It is the brother of Martha, Daniel Webster Staples (my great-grandfather) who married the daughter of Valentine Martin, Nannie Elizabeth Martin (my great-grandmother). The Captain also served in the Confederate Army. He was part of the Alabama Calvary known as "Barlow's Boys". Captain Weatherford and my Aunt are both buried in Monroe County, Alabama. Captain Weatherford's grandfather was known as "Red Eagle". He played an intregal part of the massacre at Fort Mims in 1813 which ironically had ties to Martha Staples' family as several family members were killed in that massacre. It also played a role in the rise of a certain military man and future President of the United States, Andrew Jackson.
Thomas Martin, Sr. - grandfather of Valentine Martin. Thomas served in the Revolutionary War as a scout in the Horse Militia. The Martin farm skirted the boarder of North and South Carolina. Thomas joined the military after a battle where "mountain men" had to march south after defeat by Lord Cornwallis. That march led these men close to the William Martin farm during the fall of the year. Thomas married Sabra Wilkie several months prior to the signing of the Declaration of Independence i 1776.
This is by no means a complete list of the service people in my family. Only the ones that I have found through my research at Ancestry.com and the history passed down to me by family members. I am still researching my family history and I am proud of what I have uncovered.
So from my family to yours, Happy 4th of July! I hope you have a great time making wonderful memories with family and friends. To those of you that have served, or know of brave service men and women of whatever conflict, you have my eternal thanks for your courage and commitment to a cause bigger than yourself.

The Magic of Love

2011-06-28T07:23:00.000-07:00

   Believe it or not, I have a new friend!
While that statement sounds a tad funny coming from a 51 year old woman, I find that I am looking forward to getting mail since I have been receiving postcards from a lovely young lady from China by the name of Sally. Sally and her sweetheart Devin belong to Postcrossing.com, a web site that promotes the art of correspondence on the often mocked postcard. (I firmly believe that postcards are the equivalent of Twitter for the technology impaired.)
   What I didn't know was that Sally and Devin are embarking on the "beginning of the rest of your life" tour. You know, graduating high school and on to college. That time when you realize that the world is a much bigger place than you first thought which causes you to start thinking about what is really important to you and you begin to work towards "adult" goals. It is that time when you start thinking about the rest of your life and how your going to live it - what profession do I want to go into? What about marriage? Love? Fun? (Is their fun after high school?). Getting old(er) - oh wait, that's me...oops!.
You get the idea.
   Sally was worried that University would cause her never to see her sweetheart again. And me, being the old(er) woman that I am, had to tell her that their time in University will go faster than she realizes, so if she is meant to be with Devin than it will happen regardless of University. I also said that I look forward of the news that they have gotten married and are very happy. Yes, I am a romantic at heart.
   So in honor of Sally and Devin, I have made them a postcard. I really hope they like it. I have it in the back of my mind to do a series of "Sally and Devin" cards. I enjoy the imagery that has been provided to me by Marsha at Tumblefish Studios. In my mind I can see the two of them in all sorts of adventures!
I can't wait to make this into a real postcard and send it to Sally and Devin!

I do believe in the magic of love; that it can transform lives for the better. It is truly magical. Pure alchemy. It is one of those basic elements that every person feels. It crosses all boarders, invades countries, and transforms individuals. So for young love everywhere, welcome to the magic show.

Now for the credits - Tina Chambers (DSP) for the "Believe in Love" word art, Nicole Young (DSP) for the altered heart (It's in her kit Brokedown Love"), and the ever lovely Marsha Sayer-Jorgenson (if misspelled your name Marsha - I'm so sorry) the genius behind Tumblefish Studios at Deviant Scrap. She provided all the other elements you see although I did re-color the background.

New Postcards!

2011-04-06T08:12:00.000-07:00

Woo-Hoo! (or as my friend Linda would say Hoody-Who!....but she's in Hawaii and can't say it right now...and I'm not in Hawaii....weeps)
I have posted before that I belong to PostCrossing - a postcard trading site. You send your postcards to a randomly generated address from their data base and you get one from someone in the world. Easy peasy!
I live in an area that doesn't have many postcards, so I've taken to making my own using Photoshop Elements and my library 'o stuff...images and digital elements that I have collected over the last several years.
This is a big deal to me. I have said before that I am a clinical depressive that struggles with my screwy biochemistry on a daily basis. I don't take medication, but use humor and purpose to get me through. Most people when they meet me would have no idea that my inner world tends to be grey. What I mean by that is this; think of photos you may have seen of the landscape around Mt. St. Helen's after the eruption. The landscape was barren and grey. You could see outlines of what were once trees, boulders, streams, but everything was grey. This is my inner world, and perhaps why in my quilting, painting, and everything else that I do, I LOVE color. I am also learning to love Zetti - a term that is now used to describe the characters and art collage techniques of Teesha Moore. It is a composite people and creatures adorned with doodles, dots, and what nots. The rule - there are NO RULES. It makes me what to pull my hair out sometimes! Back to the postcards...

Mission San Juan Capistrano

Pacific Grove - Near Monterey, California

Sunflower from my back yard

Desert in bloom - Joshua Tree National Park

Disclaimer! All of the postcards I create are for my personal use only and not for sale, re-sale, or re-treading. Now that is out of the way, I have used elements from Deviant Scrap - Color Splash (Hollie Harden) and Mermaids (Finecrafted Designs). The photo overlays were from Christina Renee over at Scrapbook Graphics (glass negative overlays) and Meryl Bartho at Digital Scrapbook Place (old photo overlays). The hardware and key - well thats Nicole Young over at DSP although the hardware can be found at almost every digital scrapbooking store. The background for the San Juan Capistrano card came from CreateWings at After 5 Designs...it was from her Re-create 23 kit. After I get my 4x6 prints back from Costco, I mount them on postcard backings that I get from The 2 Buds and I'm ready to go.

I have a ton of photos waiting for me to either scrapbook them or make them into postcards. It has also made me look at the area in which I live a tad differently. I know look at it and ask if what I am seeing would be interesting to someone else. Our Mojave "river" is above ground right now, would that be a good picture? What about "Mormon Rocks"? How about the Harvey House in Barstow? Places that I have had a minor passing interest now become more interesting when I think about showing someone in Taiwan, Russia, Czech Republic, England, Poland, or China something about where I live. It also has challenged my own thoughts about where I live. I now have to look for something wonderful in my little town in the desert; something that comes from my heart and not something that comes from a writer at the local Chamber of Commerce. (No offense to any Chamber members, but I am not trying to attract business here)

Am I proud of my efforts, why yes, I am. Do I realize that they resemble each other, why yes, I do. But my purpose here is to show a stranger where I live and what is beautiful about my home. I am not entering a juried showcase of digital art. Some times we just have to lighten up!

Have a wonderful day folks! Find something wonderful in your hometown that you haven't paid that much attention to. Someone else in the world could find it fascinating!

Learning Curve

2011-04-05T08:44:00.000-07:00

While this is a gruesome little picture, it does have a LOT to do with this learning curve. In case you have never read my learning curves, it is a situation or realization - sometimes both, that causes me to think and re-think my views on life. And even at my age (51) I learn and grow from the experience.
In my professional life I am a Nurse/Case Manager in an Emergency Room at a small "rural" hospital. In my personal life I love to create my vision of art which includes digital and traditional scrapbooking, painting, art journaling, collage, quilting, spinning my own yarns, and when I win the lotto I will get another loom and begin weaving again. I am a visual person who loves to work with my hands.
I received a call telling me that I needed to come to the ER immediately because we had a 13 year old who was intubated. On my way I imagined all of the possible things I would need to do for the family and for the ER staff. Would we need to transfer her? Is she so sick that we would have to fly her by helicopter? How is the family holding up? My mind was working quickly based on my experience in these situations. But what I found when I got there was much different.
I saw the ambulance crew who told me that they were responsible for calling me down. They had brought in an older woman who was very sick. She had known she was sick for a couple of weeks but would not allow her granddaughter/caretaker to make her a Doctors appointment or come to the ER. Because in the patients opinion, she didn't want to die in the hospital. The granddaughter called 911 after her grandmothers' behavior became strange and she couldn't say "No!"
The grandmother was intubated and on a ventilator. The granddaughter/caretaker was 13, scared, and alone. I spent the next few hours with her, becoming an interpreter of sorts between the medical-ese of the ER and making sure she understood what was going on.
She told me that it was her choice to live with grandma, the rest of the family lived 70 or more miles away. She told me that this was the only mother shes' ever really known. "Chloe"(not her real name) had called her mother to come to the hospital, but mom had "missed the bus" and was still at home. When I spoke with mom over the phone, she had no urgency to come to the hospital to be with her daughter. Then the admitting Dr. and I explained the gravity of the situation. We let "Chloe" have a moment with her mom and walked away for privacy. I came back a few minutes later to find Chloe with her phone to her chest and I could hear the muffled screams and wailing coming from the phone. I looked at her and said "Mom?" Chloe nodded her head and I asked for the phone. And then I launched.
I told Chloes' mother that she needed to pull herself together, that Chloe hadn't shed one tear and has had to brave the ER and all that we have had to do for the patient with courage and clarity; I expected her to do the same. I also said that Chloe needed to have family with her in the hospital and unless mom could pull herself together Chloe had no one to be there for her. I told her that she needed to pull herself together so she can arrange a ride to the hospital to see the patient and perhaps say good-bye. And then I hung up the phone.
I did apologize to Chloe for hanging up on her mother, but that after seeing how Chloe was handling the situation, I had no time for her mothers dramatics; I expected her mother to be just as brave.
While I was talking with Chloe, I watched her flip through the pictures on her phone. I was expecting the "boy-I-like" pictures, or "hanging-out-with-my best-friends" stuff, but instead she had Japanese anime. I will admit, I am a bit of an anime nerd, so I recognized some of the images. The first one I recognized was "Black Butler" (that's the picture above) and her face lit up. We now had something in common. I learned that Chloe was teaching herself to draw anime, and that she loved watching it when she could. I found a piece of paper and pen and I asked her to draw for me.
I then came up with an idea and excused myself.
When I came back, I had my "Art bag". It contains the basics for art journaling and drawing and I take with with me almost everywhere. As it was nearing the end of my shift, I didn't want to leave her without something to do until other family arrived. So I left some artist papers, pencil, white eraser, a Micron pen for outlining and some ATC (artist trading card) blanks. I explained what they were and challenged her to make me an ATC for trading requesting one of her anime characters, and that I would trade her when I came back in the morning. She seemed unsure, but agreed. I hoped my plan to help her to mind focus on something enjoyable instead of the reality of a situation she could not change while she waited for family members who wouldn't be with her anytime soon.

There was no sign of the hoped for ATC. The staff didn't know anything and Chloe didn't speak with them as she did with me. An hour or so later I was standing next to a computer stand that the staff uses. It had been near Chloe and I the night before. On the stand was everything I had given her the night before with a short note to anyone who found it to make sure I got it back. I began to tear up. I had really wanted her to keep everything and hoped to swap ATC's with her.
In this world, most of us are lost. We have families but no real bonds. We all want the Norman Rockwell families, but only if it doesn't interfere with our lives too much. But this 13 year old girl took on a responsibility with love and I don't see much in my job. I learned that art can bring us together. Creativity is able to make a quiet place in our souls in the midst of chaos.
I think of all of the things that happened to bring Chloe and I together. Love of anime and art broke down her stoic defenses, allowing us to talk more openly and with trust.
I think about her, hoping she's happy, hoping to get a piece of mail at work with an anime drawing and a note. I hope she didn't feel alone and knows that I had her best interest at heart.
I think she's going to be a fantastic artist someday.
Grandma would be proud.

Art Journal Caravan - A new journey

2011-01-14T21:43:00.000-08:00

A new year and a new Caravan from Tangie Baxter at Scrapbook Graphics. Tangie and her ~~co-conspirators~~ er, ah....co workers are sponsoring a second year of prompts, digital scrapbooking kits, fun, and opportunities for personal growth. It is meant to be a personal journey; to touch those parts of you that are easy to pass over. I debated whether to join again this year. I got behind a week or 10, and once I was that far behind I gave up. I also didn't have a clear idea of what I was supposed to accomplish with these prompts and kits. I have a much better idea now.

This is for week #3 of the Art Journal Caravan. I used the kit that was created for this prompt and some elements from last years kits. I decided that I will not only create something even when I don't feel like it but I will also be honest about the emotions that are running through me (and sometimes running my life.) I really hope that this will help me to break the funk that I find myself in and also fulfills the part of me that needs to create my vision of art.
Stop by Scrapbook Graphics and check out the gallery and see what the participants are doing. Studio Tangie Blog is also another place to visit if your curious about Tangie Baxter and her kits.

Transformation Deck - Tend your Garden

2010-12-08T20:39:00.000-08:00

I suppose that could be a polite way of saying "mind your own business". But for anyone that has spent anytime working in a garden, veggie or flower, it is a reminder that where you put your energies and attention will grow, prosper, and be successful. You look for weeds, removing them so that what you really want will get the space and nutrition to get stronger, healthier. Well, I'm no different than anything I helped my Grandkids grow this year.

There is an alchemy in working with what nature has given you; learning the natural laws of cause and effect. The symbolics contained in this card are fairy = magic, serendipity, luck, whatever you want to call that special something that happens when you least expect it. The Sun = warmth, nurture, nature, energy of life. The butterflies and dragon fly = the butterflies are a symbol of transformation by their own life cycle. (A beautiful flying insect from a caterpillar?! ) I just threw the dragonfly because I like them. The green fertile hills are just that but they also hold that which I have planted and which to harvest. That would be patience, happiness, creativity, and strength. In one way or another, I feel as though I am lacking in those areas of my life. While some may argue with me, it is my heart that dictates what I need to focus on.
I want and need to thank Beth Rimmer from Deviant Scrap for her kit "Secret Life of Woodlands".
Lori Davidson for her kit "Fairily Moonlit Mystics." Many of her elements are hand drawn and painted.
Irene Alexeeva for her "Curves" template. Since I use Photoshop Elements 6, I have to cheat and use templates for things such as this. One of these years I'll become a big girl and get the full version of Photoshop.
Nicole Young for her kit "A Gypsy's Tale". I only used one piece from this wonderful kit, but I made a promise to always give credit for anything I use from any designer. (I keep my trusty notepad beside me for taking notes just for that reason.)

Thank you Ladies!

Transformation Deck

2010-11-21T06:11:00.000-08:00

Over at Deviant Scrap there along is a special group of prompts similar to Sunday Postcard Art. This is the Transformation Deck. What these cards are is simple; 5x7 over sized playing cards displaying text and images that are meaningful to the designer. So far there has been one prompt a month this year. And in true style, I am now just discovering them. It is so like me to play catch up. (sighs deeply) I am
finding these prompts useful in kick starting me into action. While many different challenge sites offer the same prompts over and over again (don't pretend you don't know what I mean....it goes along with the sepia baby with wings and crown club) I have to say that "Release the Reins" presented we with a prompt that I really had to think about. I even went font hunting so that I could get the "Wanted" poster feel.

"Release the Reins" - October prompt

"Balance"- June prompt

Believe - November prompt

In my head, I see me using this as a deck that helps me get over the creative "humps", those days when I don't want to do anything at all. I am only working on imagery that "speaks" to me, in the hope that when I pull the card, I can feel the power of letting go, or remembering to believe in those things that you can't see but you can feel in your soul.

I'm excited to dig into my library of images to see what I can come up with. I have no doubts it will take a little bit to get them all done since I'm only working on a theme when I feel inspired and have a direction to go in.

Stay tuned!

Remembrance Day- SPA

2010-11-14T05:19:00.000-08:00

Today in the UK is Remembrance Day - here in the US we have a parallel holiday, Memorial Day. In the wonderful Wikipedia, it says that this day originally was set aside to remember the sacrifices of those who fought in World War I.
My maternal Grandfather fought in WWI, my paternal Uncle in WWI - dying in Okinawa on the first day of battle there. Another Uncle, fought in Korea. I even have research to so a Great Grandfather in the Civil War. And who knows, with further research I may have relatives in the Revolutionary War.

So, for Sunday Postcard Art I present my family, proudly serving to protect freedom here and abroad.

Postcards from the Edge

2010-11-07T05:04:00.000-08:00

I have begun to participate in a web site project called Postcrossing. It was started a few years ago by a gentleman named Paulo who happens to live in Portugal. The general premise of the site is random folks sending real postcards to a random person somewhere in the world. Its just that easy! How you say? Well, the best I can figure out is that there is a random person generator that goes through the quarter of a million members and picks on out at your request. For beginners like me, you get to have 5 traveling the world at any one time. As soon as one of your cards is registered, then your eligable to get a card from someone and you can send another one out. It truly is that easy! So far I've received cards from Taiwan, the Netherlands, Estonia, Singapore, Poland, Finland, and the ol' US of A.
The even better part is that I have been able to send my own creations. The postcards that I have created with the prompts from Sunday Postcard Art are now being backed with a heavy weight cardstock from The 2Buds which turns your photos into postcards! Now, not everyone appreciates getting self designed cards, so I am on the hunt for postcards from my area to send to those people.
There was a time when snail mail was the norm and you received much more than advertisements. Real handwritten letters would come telling events of the day. Postcards from friends on vacation gave you a glimpse of fun on the road. Those cards and letters that were treasured by family have been replaced by sterile email. Even the humble postcard is becoming a thing of the past and in some cases a collectors item. I am finding myself looking forward to the daily delivery of mail, going through the stack looking for a little something from somewhere in the world.
Mail has become exciting again.

Hats and Crowns - SPA

2010-11-06T19:23:00.000-07:00

Sunday Postcard Art strikes again! This weeks prompt was Hats and Crowns. While there are many in the altered art community that would say that crowns and wings are WAY overdone, I couldn't help myself. For this postcard I used the elements from the following digital kits...

Twinkle Toes - Tumble Fish Studios

Spunky Explosion - Tangie Baxter @ Scrapbook Graphics

Create Wings by Catherine

Zetti Revisited by Fine Crafted Designs @ Deviant Scrap

I added a sparkle brush for a highlight or two and Viola! This will actually be turned into a postcard and mailed out via Postcrossings. I have sent out several of my digital cards that I have created thanks to Sunday Postcard Art.

Thanks Ladies!!

Dia de los Muertos - SPA

2010-10-30T20:16:00.000-07:00

Dia de los Muertos, the day of the Dead, is coming. A day that asks the living to remember the dead (usually family members) with food, flowers, candles, song, and prayer. Good times are celebrated as something wonderful in the cemetery. Tombs are decorated with flowers and candles along with the favorite food of the deceased. Family spends the day and night in the cemetery - its not a place to be afraid of, but to be drawn to. Sugar skulls abound. Skeletons are shown in art still participating in every activity of life as a reminder that we all walk with death every minute of our lives.
I really enjoyed working with the bright colors and great images that were provided by Tangie Baxter (Scrapbook Graphics ) and Sherrie JD (Deviant Scrap ). Both of these kits are Dia de los Muertos by name...easy enough to remember!
This postcard in its full size will be printed out and made into a mailable card and sent out as part of another web site that I am a member of...PostCrossing. I'll make another post about my experience with PostCrossing, but for right now, suffice it to say that I am enjoying sending my own creations around the world.

Mothers' Little Helper

2010-10-06T07:47:00.000-07:00

There was a time when Mothers' Little Helper was Valium. That was during the 60's when a womans' role was changing from stay-at-home wife and mother to the in-the-workforce, no-holds-barred, glass-ceiling-breaking force to be reckoned with. Valium was the answer to the silent scream that millions of women were harboring in their hearts as their foundations were shook to their core.
Now, that we are more accepted in the workforce, politics, and in the hierarchy of some churches, life seems to be moving faster. The haven from the insanity of the world that women had once created in their homes is now a check in station for the family unit as each scurries off to their activities. The family table is the cell phone, a letter in the mail from friends and family is now a post on your Facebook wall. We seem to run like hamsters on a wheel, scrambling, but never really getting anywhere. And we are tired.
So I now present to you my newest postcard creation.
I love my profession. And I love to laugh. But in truth, Viagra is one of the more prescribed meds for Medicare recipients. Its out of the closet and into the medicine chest. This is a sad chuckle at the state of our society that we have to have a pill to make love and feel the closeness of our beloved.

Learning Curve

2010-09-25T13:57:00.000-07:00

Two things happened to me this week.
1) I turn 51 today.
2) I had to testify at a murder trial.

While most of us will see our 51st birthdays, most of us will not have to testify at a murder trial. I was fortunate to have a District Attorney who helped to calm me and assure me that I would be a fine witness for him. But when the time came and I had to see the first photograph of the 7 week old baby boy up on the projection screen, I teared up. I couldn't help it. I did my best to answer questions simply and accurately, all with the thought in my head that at this time, I was being an advocate for my patient. Only now I was advocating that the person who allegedly did the damage to him that caused his death, be put away. And his alleged abuser/murder? His father, hence forth be be called "sperm donor".
I was charged with making sure that this little guy was safe while in my facility. His CT showed multiple fractures both old and new, including suspicious posterior fractures. Those happened, as it was explained to staff, as the infant rolled himself off of a bed onto the floor. A 7 week old infant....rolled himself off of the bed. Strike 2. Posterior fractures and impossible explanations are two warning signs that something isn't right. So is the brain bleed that the infant had. And that the sperm donor said later that he became frustrated because the infant was crying and he "may" have gotten "a little rough". "I did what I did and then he stopped crying" was what the sperm donor said. After the child became quiet, he waited 7 hours before bringing him to the hospital. I helped to document the numerous bruises as well as helped Law Enforcement take the photographs that were initially refused by one or both of the parents. I kissed the little one goodbye as he left our facility (Mom was getting grilled by Child Protective Services...the sperm donor went to go get gas for the car, he was gone for at least an hour leaving Mom to the wolves.) to a larger children's hospital where he later died. There isn't a month that goes by that I don't think about this little one. During a break, I was in the hallway playing on my iPod touch, Grandma came up to me saying that I was the nurse who talked to her and helped to calm her down that night. With that I got a hug and a thank you as well as tears in my eyes.

My birthday? Well, I've been having problems coming to grips with my mortality. This is just another reminder, along with the wrinkles, sagging skin, post menopausal state, and a slight weight gain, that I am a little closer to the next stage of my life. Death. There are so many things that I still want to do, don't get me wrong here. I'm not giving up per se. But me, just like millions of other folks out there are having a difficult time financially, including the possibility of losing our home, bills that we want to pay like the responsible people we are but are finding it hard because of a decline in business. I worry about keeping my job, completing my education and having the money to complete it. My daughter and grandkids are depending on us for a place to live, she is not able to provide for a place on her own. I really thought that I would have a real home to live in for the rest of my life when I came back here. I have lost 2 homes to foreclosure - 1) during my first marriage when be bought our home at the height of the housing market before it burst causing us to be upside down and 2) when my Dad died and instead of him keeping his home paid off, he took out a reverse mortgage that I couldn't pay back. My car broke down (again) and after $800.00 we don't really have, I can get back and forth to work.

So, at the end of all of this what do I want for my birthday? I want to have my personal bills paid off...that would take a winning lottery ticket. Heck! I don't even want the big money, just $15,000 would do! With that, I could pay my bills off and funnel more money to our home so we could keep it. And for my second and more important wish - justice for my little patient. To know that the sperm donor will not be out in society creating more babies, to abandon and abuse. Yes, I know that his conviction means he will be in danger. I worked for a time in a prison, I get it. Its true what they say, that there is a moral code that says that child abusers/molesters/killers are not tolerated. But at least he will be able to fight back, where this little one couldn't fight off being choked out and punched. (Yes, really...PUNCHED and CHOKED)

So, thats what I would like. Maybe with presents like that my depression will lift and I"ll be able to live a little before I die.

ATC - Blue

2010-08-14T18:43:00.000-07:00

I completely forgot!!! This digital ATC is for the ATC swap over at Deviant Scrap. The theme was "blue". So I put in the blue bird of happiness and the blue moon watching over the happy couple. All of the elements are from Crowabout B Studios over at DeviantScrap.com. Now I just have to go get a black ink cartridge for my printer and get it finished. This one gets mailed to England. It seems that art really does bring people together!

Buskers Unite!!

2010-08-14T08:37:00.000-07:00

I just discovered this video...but it was first posted by "Playing for Change" a year ago. It literally gave me goosebumps to watch and listen to it. If only for this moment, people throughout the world were united in song....Enjoy! ps... you'll have to pause my normal background music (at the bottom of the screen) before enjoying this.

Learning Curve

2010-08-12T20:32:00.000-07:00

Once again I am going to indulge in a bit of, what I believe to be, well deserved whining. Although I have a difficult time believing that I am the only one in my situation.
I am now a woman of "a certain age". What do I mean? I have achieved menopause. That year without a cycle. Yep, I am an "old woman", a "crone", "dried up old biddy" or maybe a "cougar"? I like that last one. It at least give the impression of being desirable in the age of young, nubile, overtly thin and beautiful women. Yes, all those things and vapid...OK, that's my fantasy or at least stereotype.
But in my mind the last big event in my life will be my death. I'm having a bit of a struggle with that one, and it has, on several occasions brought me to a (pardon the expression) "dead stop" almost to the point of panic attack. I have watched people die. Both calmly with friends and family at bedside, and violently, CODE BLUE style; CPR in progress, intubation, drugs pumped into veins, organized chaos all around. I prefer the first option, but that is not my problem. It is the crisis of faith that brings my spirit, if indeed I have a soul, to another plane of existence. And what happens to the family and friends that I have here, now? Does that all dissolve into a mildly meaningful lesson to be passed on in the vast eternity? Do I fade into nothing-ness, with all that I have been just for nothing other than part of the evolution of this planet? See my dilemma? I am struggling with it just as humanity before me. And I'll have to come to my own conclusions before its all said and done. Which brings me to my next point.
I fully understand that the financial crisis extends world wide. The loss of homes and jobs is nothing new to the United States or anywhere else for that matter. I'm tired of the constant threat of losing mine, again. I think about my job, and for what I do and at my level of liscensure, I make a very good wage. I cannot complain. But I can worry. And I do. I worry about the 3 student loans that I have and paying them off. One of them is for my current schooling and I can't finance the testing fees that are between $150.00 and $350.00 per test. I can't afford to go on and I can't afford to quit. I need to move up in my licensure to be assured of my job in the future. And to be able to take care of my family. I worry about losing my job and not being able to get another one no matter how good I am at what I do. Sometimes I get on a "I don't get out of the house and I don't do anything fun anymore" kick and I do things like buy online...yes, I bought some make up and some e-books from Sony. And then I feel guilty for wasting the money. (sighs deeply)
Sometimes I feel I have taken too much on, and wonder if, in the long run, it is all worth it. I wonder if I will actually succeed at conquering my stated goals in this life or am I just spinning my wheels? I feel overwhelmed, under loved, and overdrawn. 2 out of the 3 aren't true, but it just feels that way. When my Grandson crawls on my lap and wants to check on his "NeoPet" with me, I know I"m loved. Or when my Granddaughter wants to crawl in bed with me and cuddle, I know I'm needed by her to feel safe. I feel her love and I know that for her, my life as purpose.
I honestly have so much to be grateful for. I am just feeling the weight of all responsibility of my family. I want to keep my home, keep my husband loved and without worry-I want him to feel as though he has a real partner in this lifetime. It is something I take very seriously. I want my kids and Grand kids to be healthy, happy, and fulfilled. I want their dreams, hopes, hard work, and effort to pay off in spades. And I want them to know how much I love them, now and forever. I want to complete school, I have a Microbiology final tomorrow that I am sweating. But I can only do what I can do. I want to fix the problems with my back, but surgery will have to wait until after the bills are paid of for good. Until then, I will live with the ever increase pain level and decreasing activity level the best that I can.
And here is where it comes back into a big circle. I am menopausal. Am getting old(er) I feel that I don't have time left to mess around and I wonder if I am wasting my time and energy on things that in the long run won't make any difference.
So there you have it.
My whine.
I still refuse to believe that I am the only one on the planet that feels this way.
At least some of the time.

Adventures from the Red Box

2010-08-08T05:42:00.000-07:00

We are in the middle of summer here in the high desert of Southern California. While we complain of the heat, in actuality it has been a mild summer for us. The garden wilts in the afternoon heat only to come back during the sunset. What we are harvesting is eaten or given away, and that brings me to this post.

The Grands are excited to go out to the garden everyday and see what is new. There is a small harvest of green beans both pole and bush, the corn stalks have been pulled from their box and sunflower head have been harvested, hanging upside down in the garage so that we can have the seeds before the birds do.

So how did the Grands do with fresh veggies from the garden? Above you see the first zucchini that was harvested, sliced with poppy seed dressing. We offered it to the kids, the first reaction was "I don't like it". I think that is a universal reaction to something new that happens to be good for you. With that said, the grown ups had theirs wile the kids watched. And then it happened...

They ate it. And not just one mind you, many....and asked for more much to Grandpa's delight. Jayna now eats tomatos off of the vine, just like an apple. She really loves the Green Zebra variety. While they seem to be happy campers here in these pics, this doesn't mean that we don't have problems sometimes at dinner. They are still "yard apes" i.e. toddlers and pickey as hell about what they will and won't eat. (I would like to believe that Moms and Grandmoms in Kenya have the same problem with getting kids to eat). But for now, we will take this as a small victory in the "try something new" war.

Adventures from the Red Box

2010-07-12T06:13:00.000-07:00

Remember those broken egg shells and that I told you were seeds planted in them? hummmmm?! Well, look at 'em now!

We (the Grands and I) planted them in a slightly raised bed. (We have horrible soil here....raised beds is the only way to go). I gave the instructions and the kids were the ones with dirty hands. Just the way it should be. LOL! Just for reference, the kiddo there is about 3.5 feet tall.

If you look really hard, you can see the bees in the center of this sunflower (there are 4 by my count). I am hoping that we will get lots of sunflower seeds from all of this activity. I'll be Googling how to 's on getting seeds from the sunflowers and preparing them for consumption. Hopefully by us and not the birds, but we will have to see about that one.

Adventures from the Red Box

2010-07-09T15:26:00.000-07:00

I have talked with to others that garden and there is one thing that most of us have in common...a "dislike" of the tomato worm.

Yes, these little green critters have reduced otherwise strong, brave, and capable people to weak kneed, quivering masses of mush. I have talked with some folks who refuse to even grow tomatoes because of these pests.
I wanted to make the garden fun for the grandkids. So I bought 4 different colors of tomatoes - red, green, yellow, and black, although I suspect that the black one is actually a very dark red variety. The tomatoes are doing quite well and we have blooms and fruit on all 4 of the plants.

The kids also know that when they see a flower on the plant it means that there will be something good growing there, so we have to leave it alone!

I say all of this with pride, but also because the day that I had feared, arrived. The day when the first tomato worm made its appearance.
I understand that there is an ecosystem in my backyard, I also understand that even tomato worms have a place in the circle of life (cues Elton John song). But you see, we are a vegetarian household and those worms are after our food. Its us or them. But the bigger question is how will the Grandkids react to them? What we do is cut off the branch that they are destroying and then dispatch them to the big garden in the sky. The branch is then composted.
So last night after coming home later than usual, I went out to the garden by myself to check on its progress and the Grands were getting their shower and ready for bed. It was still early enough that the bees were flying around the blooms and the air itself seemed to be buzzing with life. I enjoy those times when the world seems quiet and I am a part of it rather than a lumbering giant that is interfering with the process. I was looking for the little green eating machines when I heard the back door open and Ian came running out calling my name. After saying good nights, and getting hugs, he wanted to know what I was doing. Knowing this for the ploy to stay up later (generations before him have tried the same trick) I told him. I really expected him to tell me that he wanted to help me, but instead I was told to make sure that I "chop em in half Grandma!" and he ran off in the direction of the house.
I found 3 and I did as I was told.

I am sure there will be some warm summer nights ahead of me that will be filled with sweet little voices, teaming with excitement, yelling that they "found one!" and to "chop it in half!" followed by a most compassionate "EEEUUUUUWWWWWW" or "lookie at the green stuff, thats nasty! Is there another one Grandma?"
Yes, these are the moments in life that bring us together and closer as a family. If you would excuse me, I need to go get my garden snips, the grandkids just came home from school.

Adventures from the Red Box

2010-07-06T07:41:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I believe that directing Grandkids is a lot like herding cats, especially mine. I love my Grandkids, but there are times....while I am sometimes inclined to blame such things as ADD/ADHD, too much sugar, TV, or a number of other things, in the end, they are just kids.
I started with the kids, some seeds from packages with Sesame Street characters pictured on the front, and broken egg shells. I felt like I was putting together a real educational activity. The kids planted sunflowers and radishes this way and each day Ian would drag out the cardboard egg carton to the sidewalk and we would water them, waiting for the little green leaves to make their first appearance. (BTW, the sunflowers made it to the transplanting...the radishes, not so much)
The 3rd weekend in April, I designated planting day. I took some grief from my husband who reminded me that it was to early, but I wanted to get the show on the road. We live in the High Desert area of Southern California, and along with the rest of the country, the weather has been unpredictable. Usually we have one cold snap in the spring before it stays warm. Much to my surprise and delicate ego, we had more than one and I got to endure the "I told you so" speech from my dearly beloved. I had gone to the local home improvement store and bought plants to round out the garden. Man nor children cannot live by sunflowers and radishes alone. I came home with 4 different colors of tomatoes, green beans, corn, squash and peas. I also came back with flowers to make things pretty.

By now it became apparent that we needed more space. So I set out to clear out the weeds and get a few more garden beds ready for planting. To be honest, the weeds in the garden area had gotten out of control and I really feared losing the kids in the jungle out there. See what I mean, after all that is a 20 pound cat there.....geesh!
Fast forward a few weekends and we now have a fully planted garden! Viola!

Its at this point, the real teaching has begun. The lessons of life, patience, responsibility, caring for the land and those things that are important to you. Memories of my Mom and Dad begin to surface through my daughter and I began to see and hear her share those memories with her children. There is a part of me that wonders if Ian and Jayna will do the same with their children when I am gone; if they will remember the Red Box and what we did together in the Summer of 2010. I hope so. If not the actual memory, then the feeling of closeness and joy coupled with the satisfaction of working in a garden. And perhaps, a smile, when looking at pictures, fading with the years, knowing that Grandma and Grandpa loved them enough to spend quiet, un-interrupted time with them in a garden.

Adventures from the Red Box

2010-07-05T19:13:00.000-07:00

Not bad, eh?
Well, this story is about the adventures of one Grandma and two Grandkids...thats how it started anyway. Instead of telling the entire thing all at once, I'm going to stretch it out some.
I wanted to share some of the childhood memories that I had with Ian and Jayna, and the ones that my daughters had with my Mom. We had some raised beds in the backyard and I had asked Steve (my husband) if we could have one to plant a garden in. He wasn't so keen on the idea, mostly because of the cost of water in our district. But he relented as most husbands do, bless him.
I told Ian what I we were going to do and showed him the box that we had adopted. Steve had been putting in stuff for composting for a couple of years now, so there was lots of good soil making nutrients there. So after turning it over a couple of times and picking out the grubs it was ready to go. And that's when Ian said that he wanted a red box. That almost derailed the project. Grandpa wasn't so thrilled with the idea...it was a waste of time and money to do that and to top it off, he was going to dismantle the garden this year anyway. It took me a few times asking before he said yes...after all, if he was going to dismantle it then what was the harm?

So on a day early in April, with paint and rollers in hand, we started to paint the box. Did I mention that Ian wanted "sidewalks"? That is, something to walk on besides soil. After all, a 4 year old needs to be in the middle of things, right?

It was a good days work for the kids...and Grandma for that matter. By the end of the day, we had our red box. A beautiful garden ready box that we could see from our kitchen window.

What we planted will have to wait for our next chapter.....

Time for Tea - SPA

2010-03-28T06:07:00.000-07:00

Sunday Postcard Art strikes again!

This time its Time for Tea. With the Alice-mania out there, I thought I would put in my digital 2 cents in. Everything except the pin-up girl is from Nicole Young from her kit "Lost in Wonderland" I did re-color the bottom layer to black (aren't I talented? LOL). The pin-up girl is from Revallsay over at Deviant Art.

Steampunk Princess - SPA

2010-03-26T07:51:00.000-07:00

FINALLY! Finally, I've gotten the oomph to create something...ANYTHING! Oi, I was getting depressed with all of the thinking, wanting, wishing, and dreaming of starting again, but never having the energy or drive to start. I don't care what it is, laundry, gardening, painting a room or a masterpiece, we all go through it, of that I am certain.
Well, this one if for Sunday Postcard Art - the theme is Steampunk. That wonderful Jules Verne/Sherlock Holmes (the new one)/Victorian science meets invention and whimsy. Gears, gizmos, whatnots, and whingdings all in one neat package. I love it.
The elements I have used come from College Obsession and Digital Scrapbook Place. The picture is of Sarah Barnhart. College Obsession used it as one of their challenge pieces under the title of "Worn". The rest of the elements are from Lauren Bavin and Erica Belton "Steampunk Fun", "Steampunk Grunge", and "Seriously Steampunk" kits.
Thanks for peaking in!

Learning Curve

2010-03-01T18:27:00.000-08:00

Its no secret what I do for a living, its on the front of this page. And I love what I do. Nurse first, Case Manager second. ER the best. That I get to do all three, despite the pressure of each of these, is a bit of heaven for me. But it also has a price. One that at the moment, I am paying and thinking twice about it.
Recently I was involved in the transfer of a patient to another hospital. Due to his illness it was a very time sensitive situation. Within 2 hours of getting the call that this needed to happen, I had it all arranged. The legalities of transferring a patient from our facility was met (open bed at the right level of care, and an accepting physician able to take care of him), the consents were signed, the helicopter was being called for. And then I got a phone call asking me to tell the family about their insurance. In this economy, I had a hard time justifying not telling them. It wasn't that the hospital was turning them down, they just wanted them notified. So I did. For better or worse, I did. The family then chose to go back home instead of using the hospital that I had arranged for. Now I want to say here and now, they had been in touch with their home hospital, and that the wife and daughter were both nurses. We made sure they understood that this delay could endanger the patients life. And they accepted and signed the waiver. I then arranged another transfer to the neighboring state and the patient lifted off within the hour.
And then it happened. I was told by another nurse and someone that I admire that if anything happened to the patient during transport, the responsibility rested directly on my shoulders. I never should have told the family about what the hospital said to me. I was devastated. And to an extent, I still am. I have been having nightmares, anxiety, tears and fears about work since the incident. I am making it into work, but my style of dealing with people and my interactions with my co-workers have changed. I am quiet instead of outgoing, hesitant instead of walking point, I let others tell me what to do instead of taking charge. In short, I don't know if I can really do my job well anymore.
As of last report, the patient had to be transferred to another hospital for open heart surgery. Not something that I could have foreseen. But I play the "what if" game with myself. Would his outcome had been any different if I had kept my mouth shut? And what would have happened when the hospital asked for their deposit and let the family know that I was told and didn't pass the message along, would I have been blamed for that too?
Since the intense discussion of healthcare reform here in the United States, I have been one who has advocated for personal responsibility in one's own healthcare. Don't live an unhealthy lifestyle and expect Doctors and Hospitals to fix you up so that you could go out to do it again. As nurses we can only do so much. As soon as a patient or family member tells me "No" about a plan or refuses to take their medication because they won't afford it (think Wal-Mart $4.00 prescription program, we use that A LOT to help our patients stay healthy, so please don't blast me about the impossibly high drug costs...I know that already.) but can afford artificial nails, cigarettes, alcohol, or drugs, there is nothing I can do anymore.
I have no answers. But I have plenty of questions, concerns, worries, and fears. Time and possibly a lawsuit, will tell me if I did the best I could.

Eternity in your Eyes

2010-02-11T04:33:00.000-08:00

Eternity is the theme for this weeks Think Monday, Think ATC challenge. THAT is a big challenge.

I was able to use papers from Giny Scrap Designs. The kit is "Universe" The eye was a clip art downloaded from the internet. I extracted it from the back ground and put the milky way in the pupil. I ran a few extra effects on the eye and on the text so that it would stand out a bit. I really like the way this turned out!

SPA - Cats!

2010-02-08T06:16:00.000-08:00

I will be one of those women who have lots of cats when I get old. I feed strays....at my age I should really know better. So I present CATS for Sunday Postcard Art.

If you can't see the small print, it says "Cats are evil, mean, sneaky, and nasty, with many other fine qualities."
For this lovely creation I used elements from Tangie Baxter (I used stuff from Junque Journal), Cottage Arts (I used their Soldered Sentiments which includes the ribbon attachments in the kit), and Irene Alexeeva (I used FaLaLa and Whispers).
I am thinking about putting together these SPA's that I am creating and putting them into notecard form for gifts and personal use. (I don't have commercial license to use them for profit) I think they would make great notecards. Wouldn't you like to receive Mimi (the "eyeglasses girl" in your mailbox when your feeling a bit down in the dumps? What about the "whats on your mind?" when you've had an especially bad week at work? I think we truly disregard our art work a little too much. So I don't have the commercial success of Irene or Tangie, I am still a success in my own little circle of friends.

Finally!!! An ARCH template!

2010-02-07T18:51:00.000-08:00

Ignacio the founder and creative GENIUS behind Nice Crane Designs has created at Gothic Arch for those of us who want to create and submit digital arches as well as paper ones. I used mine today for the first time and I am sooo happy!!

I even went to Adobe.com and posted an inquiry on the forums asking how I could make my own cookie cutter template for the arch, but got no response to my inquiry. So Gothic Arches, I'm BACK!!
Thanks to Nice Crane Designs for such a wonderful tool! Tangie Baxter for the elements from her Art Journal Caravan and Parcel #2 kits, TLC for their blog train goodies that I collected from Craft Crave (formally known as DigiFree)

Japanese Beauty

2010-02-06T16:44:00.000-08:00

There is this wonderful designer that I know by the name of Nice Crane Designs. I really like Japanese/Asian design and he does a wonderful job. So I have used 2 of his backgrounds to make this 4x6 postcard design.

The background papers come from his Beautiful Japan series. I blended them together using a clipping mask from Marcee Dugger (Maskee 6 available at Digital Scrapbook Place) The charcoal colored border is from Suzanne C. Walker's Grey Day (also available at DSP). The pic of the Geisha and the stamp of the Buddha were both downloaded from the internet. (The Buddha brush is from Deviant Art. I'm sorry,but you're gonna have to use a search on this one...they have WAY too much stuff there!)
Thank you for looking in!

Laugh Clown, Laugh!

2010-02-03T05:19:00.000-08:00

At Think Monday, Think ATC its time to go to the circus. I'm part of the clown unit in the circus of life, so I was so there with this challenge.

So, having gone digital...again, I'm gonna give credit where credit is due!
I have used elements from Happy Circus (Irene Alexeeva over at Scrap Orchard), Center Stage (Lauren Bavin created this one), Frog King Forest (Nicole Young always does a wonderful job!) Both Lauren and Nicole are over at Digital Scrapbook Place. And the wonderful clown is one of Ruby Rynne's wonderful creations. ( I found this image in her kit Nat IV at Scrapbooking Graphics)

No brains, no headaches

2010-02-02T04:16:00.000-08:00

That is what a wonderful woman used to tell me when I did some boneheaded thing. That I have migraines must prove that I'm really smart! (insert silly giggle here)
This is my creation for Sunday Postcard Art, the prompt is "Phrenology" If your not aware of that 19th century belief, it was a way to diagnose a person from the bumps on his/ her skull. An area of overuse or disease would manifest in swelling that would push the skull out in areas. Those bumps were then mapped according to diagrams and the diagnosis made.

I have used elements from Marcee Duggar (Maskee Large from DSP), Irene Alexeeva (Papers and banners, Altered Ego from Scrap Orchard), Suzanne C. Walker provided the frame ( Draw them In set. Her store at DSP ROCKS) the staples are from Tangie Baxter (Steamer Truck for the AJC journey. Scrapbook Graphics) and then Phrenology brush (downloaded from The Coolest Brushes)
I should also insert here that I have been having problems using my brushes. I have this wonderful stash of stuff and it just wouldn't work and I was so frustrated. WendyZine (Scrapbookgraphics) turned me onto Elements Village, an internet spot for users like me. Well, it seems that it was a button pushing problem. I am so excited that I'll be able to use more of my brushes to create my fun stuff!
Now if anyone can direct me to a tutorial for keeping a kitten off of your keyboard (the button problem), please let me know.

Simplify Me

2010-01-29T10:19:00.000-08:00

Week 5 with the Art Journal Caravan and this week the prompt is Simplfy and also Just Me. So I combined both of them. Yep, thats me! In all my "glory"....ie sans makeup. Not bad for 50 if I do say so.
The quote is from Thoreau, the infamous "Go confidently in the direction of your dreams..." and the strips around my little head are single words like breathe, love, family. Words that have heartfelt meaning to me at this time in my life.
Join the Caravan over at Scrapbook Graphics, or go through the gallery at the wonderful creations there.

My Immortal - Sunday Postcard Art

2010-01-28T19:50:00.000-08:00

The prompt for SPA is "TIME". Since Valentine's Day is around the corner I chose to use the words "Forever" and Eternity" along with the symbols of love, red roses, in with the collage artist favorite, a watch and/or clock face.
Since my favorite medium right now is digital I used the kit "Her Lullaby" from Irene Alexeeva (check her out at Scrap Orchard) and the border overlay is from Elizabeth Weaver from her Backstage Guitar add-on pack available at Digital Scrapbook place. Ladies, thank you so much!

And thank YOU for peaking in.

Abandoned - Collage Obsession

2010-01-27T17:45:00.000-08:00

Now that I have this done, I think I could do better, but don't want to. Sad isn't it? Time being at such a premium. But there it is.
This is for Collage Obsession, the challenge is called "Abandoned". We were given the photo of the Schneider Mansion and told to go for it. The text on the journal book reads " After the girls left on the Grand Tour nothing in the house was ever the same. With its life gone, the soul of the house whithered, dying slowly like the last green leaf in a bitter frost." And under the picture of 4 girls under the opposite page it reads "Schneider girls. Circa 1904"

I have to thank College Obsession for the pic of the mansion, Vintage Moth for the pic of the 4 girls, the postcard background and journal book are from Tangie Baxter and Amanda Sexton of Scrapbooking Graphics in their Steamer Truck kit. I have Phoung Ton from Scrapbooking Graphics to thank for the dried flower and tape I used in the journal book (its from her kit Sentimental Journey) and Lauren Bavin from Digital Scrapbook Place for her Antiquing Pack that I used to bring everything together.

Worn

2010-01-24T06:05:00.000-08:00

I know what I really need at this point is another challenge to participate in, but after seeing the site, I couldn't help it.
Collage Obsession is a new challenge site that started last 1/18/10 (if memory serves me correctly) and the first of the challenges was called "Worn Out" and we were given the image of Sarah Bernhart to work with. Here is my take on it. I have used a background from TLC Creations - it was a freebie that was offered about a year ago, and just like my papers I stashed it away only this time on my computer. I also used images from the kits Coming Home by Phoung Ton and Sentimental Journey by Manuela Zimmerman. Both of these designers and designs are from Scrapbook Girls/Scrapbook Graphics. I was able to use my pen tablet for the extraction of Sarah. I think I'm in love!

Finally! A new Postcard!!

2010-01-20T05:47:00.000-08:00

For Sunday Postcard Art I proudly present Mimi! Who is wondering "if the eyes are the window to the soul, does that make the eyebrows the valances?" This was a fun one and I thank SPA for the prompt to create this.
Now for the credits...ahem....
The girl and eyes...they are from Ruby at Scrapbook Graphics (link to the right) Your gonna want the kit "Native too"
The background..well thats the work of Lauren Bavin from her kit "Seriously Steampunk" You have to go to Digital Scrapbook Place for that one.
The curtains belong to Nicole Young and her kit "Forever in NeverNever" and that one is at Digital Scrapbook Place too! (Yep, the link is to the right, too...a also...aaaa....you get the picture)
The font is called Fabulous 50's and it was a freebie that I downloaded from the internet.

AJC - Mend

2010-01-19T05:57:00.000-08:00

Here is the second page to my art journal. The prompt I used was the word "Mend". The journal writing describes a woman looking back through her trunk of memories and wondering if she had a been of service to others when their hearts were broken, but not able to be one one with a broken heart.
When I got the prompt I thought about some of the quilting pieces that I love the most. There is a wonderful vendor, Cotton in the Cabin, who comes to the Road to California Quilt Show here in Southern California with marvelous antique pieces of hand sewn quilt bits. Every year I that I get to go I treat myself to another bit of unknown history. I say that because I will never know who spent a few hours hand piecing bits of fabric together with thread. Occasionally there are bits of quilts that have required mending, worn areas carefully sewn back up as to be useful again. It brings to mind darning eggs and socks, tatting shuttles and pearle cotton, radio instead of television, and conversation instead of texting.

This is the ATC that goes with the page. I added the key and took away the watch. (I forgot what settings I used to modify the original colors...sigh) I am going to print them out when I have enough to make a contact sheet. I have a feeling that I will be a very familiar face to the ink refill people. I just printed out the first page and have it mounted in the book I am using for for the journal. But since there will be 52 pages and ATCs' its going to be a bit of an expense in ink and cardstock! Ohhhh....cardstock...humm...guess I'll have to make it to the Original Rubber Stamp Show in Carson this March to go get some. (Boy, that was a stretch for an excuse, but I'll take it!)

A Journey Begins

2010-01-13T05:17:00.000-08:00

This has not been a stellar year for creativity for me. Marriage, family, work, and school have done their best to eat up what free time and energy that I have. I have diddled around the internet and admired wonderful art journal pages, digital scrapbooking wonders, postcard art that I would love to receive in the mail, listened to great music that has me sighing at the singer/songwriters that seem to pull out lyrics and melodies that can take my mind to wonderful places. And I have been sitting in my chair looking at the piles of papers, boxes and books ( not to mention the orphaned kitten that we adopted) hoping that the organizing fairy would stop by one night and wave the magic wand and POOF! I have my studio back! Yeah, not so much.......
Over at Scrapbooking Graphics there is a wonderful designer by the name of Tangie Baxter that is conducting at 52 week "journey". Yep, its a full year into the world of art journaling. Digitally. I paid for my "ticket" and I have boarded the Art Journal Caravan. My idea is to create the pages digitally, print them out, and mount them into a watercolor/drawing journal (after I have colored and altered the background a bit.) Another designer there, Ruby Rhyne, threw out the idea of creating a matching ATC and by the end of the year you could have a full deck (I'll never have a full deck.....insert stupid grin here) of artist trading cards. I like that idea. A lot.
So here is my first page. It was based on the word "accept" For me, and many others, I am accepting the fact that I'm flawed. And those flaws aren't just patches on a personality that is lacking. They are what make me what I am for all of my "glory". At my age, and thats 50 by the way, I am starting to recognize the "gift of age" that is part of an "I don't care what you think of me" mentality. And I for one really like that! It really is the confidence to be just who you are without the temptation to change for the sake of someone else.

I will be putting up the links to the Art Journal Caravan site for anyone who wants to join. I will do my best to add the pages as I make them, but just remember, I AM part of the Blogging without Obligation crowd!

Steampunk Chick - SPA

2009-07-24T07:09:00.000-07:00

I am having a lot of fun with the 4x6 format when I get the time to sit down and play. This is for Sunday Postcard Art...the subject matter was Vintage Children.

The child image was a freebie found on the internet, the Victorian Steampunk images were created by Lauren Bavin, Erica Belton, and Teresa Loman designers for Digital Scrapbook Place. The kits can be found at the Digital Scrapbook Place store. If you type in the word "Steampunk" in the store search engine, you can find all of the kits and MORE. (Who doesn't like more?)

New Music!!!

2009-07-06T18:39:00.000-07:00

I am moderately proud of myself. I learned how to add music to my Popup Player!

The song you are listening is the creation of my dear friend, Rob Campbell. He not only is singing it, but wrote it, and produced it. I personally think he is one of the most talented people that I know. And I know that I am not the only one who feels that way.

His passion for music goes from rock to country, ballad to jazzy instrumentals and everything in between. He writes, plays several instruments, and produces not only his own music, but collaborates with other musicians on their music. His music home, SongRamp is filled with songs that have his mark on them. He prefers to sit quietly in the background and let the music talk for its self. You will not find him bragging about what he's done, he's glad to help a friend. He is in heaven when he's playing or talking about gear.

I hope to be adding more independent music from my friends at SongRamp. I since I don't play or write music (I'm a backup shower singer), I am very honored to have these fine folks say "yes" when I asked them if I could add their creations to my blog here.

If you would like to get to the Ramp you can do that a couple of ways...one is to click the link at right for either Rob, The Chiggers, or Diane Ruilliere. It will take you to their personal home pages and then you can get to the Ramp homepage from there. You will have thousands of songs to listen to at a click of your mouse. Or you can click this www.songramp.com and get to the homepage that way.

Enjoy yourself!

Lest We Forget - SPA

2009-07-04T07:40:00.000-07:00

Happy 4th of July for those of you in the USA!

And Happy 4th of July to every one else...you just may not have the fireworks...LOL!

This is my creation for Sunday Postcard Art. The pictures on this postcard are photos of my maternal Grandfather who fought in World War I, and my paternal Uncles who fought in World War II (one died during that war) and also fought in the Korean conflict. I am VERY proud of them. They answered a call that today, most people do not understand. Military service is now a pathway to a government paid education. Little thought is given to the sacrifice necessary to live a military lifestyle and the call to serve the country.

For those who choose that life and path of service, you have my undying gratitude.

Thank you.

Learning Curve

2009-05-09T07:28:00.000-07:00

I have seen this pic around the web, and personally if it wasn't for the Swine flu ( now known as H1N1 virus) one of those too cute pics. (Please note: No swine or children were injured in the taking of this photo)

There has been so much half information, speculation, and panic about the flu. I am more angry at the half information that was being put out my the major news media than I am about anything else.

That do I mean? At the beginning of the outbreak, all we heard is the number of dead, with the toll rising with every passing hour. It was almost an "Andromeda Strain" scenario. The news outlets were producing maps of the world wide outbreak, announcing the numbers of the dead, showing folks with facial masks, bringing on authorities who said that the pandemic is going to happen and we have no way to stop it. I actually had a clerk in the hospital where I work tell me that if she caught the virus she was going to die. Thats what the news media told her anyway. Hospitals were setting up outdoor triage areas to handle the increase the number of patients who were coming in with a runny nose and cough.

And then media says....Oops. Seems that the number of COMFIRMED cases of the H1N1 virus was much smaller than originally stated. Oh, yeah, the cases that had been reported at the beginning of the outbreak....had all recovered. Please note the word had, it's past tense. And then I was hearing reports that the emergency rooms were being overwhemed with the same snotty nosed folks who were afraid of dying from this mysterious virus that was causing a pandemic. We even had a woman come to the ER saying she heard on the news that if anyone thought they had the H1N1 virus, that they could be treated in the ER for free. In LA and Orange Counties, Tamaflu was out of stock. Lots of folks getting the prescription "just in case".

What I haven't heard was any responsibility being taken for only half of the story being given out. Most people don't read newspapers now, all of their news information coming from the 30 second blurbs on the radio and TV. The internet is also a big source of information as well, but as I surfed for more on the flu outbreak, I couldn't find anything that said what to look out for and how to avoid getting sick. Until now.

My husband came down with flu like symptoms 10 days after returning from Mexico. He was there during the initial reported outbreak, but he wasn't in the Mexico City area. I knew that the incubation period for this flu was about 48 hours, so I was not thinking "flu". After 3 days of 103 fevers, I took him to my hospital for treatment. The N95 mask was given to me when I mentioned Mexico, and told "it was for the staff's protection".

Now that the turmoil is dying down, I would like to think that we will have greater public education about the flu, swine or otherwise. I would like to think that we won't be suckered in for what we hear in the media and will dig a little deeper to find "the rest of the story" as the late Paul Harvey said.

Until then, I'll call scares like this job security.

Sunday Postcard Art - Butterflies

2009-04-26T21:22:00.000-07:00

Woo-Hoo! I finally sat down and got a web challenge done! This one is for Sunday Postcard Art - Butterflies. I also had a personal challenge to use some of the elements that I have been collecting around the web. I used Photoshop Elements 6 to do a digital creation. Although I really do have to get back to getting my hands dirty!

I have used papers from Retro Diva - Birds of a Feather. The butterflies are from DD Elements. Both were downloaded from the DigiFree.com web site which finds those wonderful places that are offering free digital scrapbooking elements and makes them available to the rest of us. (With the maker's permission of course!)

I have also used elements from Nicole Young (Angel Whispers, Storybook Dreams), Lauren Bavin (Antiquing Pack), and Tina Chambers (Oscar Wilde word art) all from Digital Scrapbooking Place.

Saying Goodbye

2009-04-19T19:13:00.000-07:00

On Easter Sunday, my Aunt Nancy passed from this life into the next one. She was 91 years old. A small, frail, woman to look at. But she had a spirit that would fill a room. She was a woman you wanted to be around. She was a Texan through and through. Her quiet voice and Texas drawl would draw you in to be had by a quick wit.

My Aunt was the only girl in a family of 5 boys. The oldest, Orth, died in 1993. The family lost track of him in the late 1950's. Vollie died on the second day of fighting during the Battle of Okinawa. We do no know if his body was left in Japan or brought back to the States for burial. Then there is my Uncle Mike and his twin Beckman. Beckman died in the 1970's. He was a bachelor all of his life, stricken with tuberculosis, and needing a hearing aid, he was my favorite Uncle. My father, in the picture above with Nancy, died in 2007, complications from esophageal cancer. This picture was taken in 2005, just before we found out what the diagnosis was. We knew that he was sick, but not how serious. We went Texas so that he could see his brother and sister one last time.

After my Dad passed away, I took the trip to Texas myself. I sat with my Aunt and we laughed and cried together. By this time she was on oxygen full time, barely making it from room to room. She told me about changing my Dad's diapers when he was small, babysitting him, how he was loved, and spoiled, being the youngest of the family . There was a 12 year difference in age between my Aunt and my father.

My Aunt raised a wonderful family of her own. Her husband Homer, the love of her life, suffered with Alzheimers Disease. She kept him home, and took care of him as only a committed couple can do. She moved him into a care facility during the last year of his life when his care became overwhelming. She was there almost everyday to spend time with him. My cousin Amanda, took Nancy into their home when she became too frail to stay on her own.

My Uncle Mike is the last of the older generation in our family. He will be 95 this year. He shares many of the attributes that his younger sister had.

As we lose our older family members one by one, I keep feeling that I haven't asked enough questions, listened deep enough, learned enough. I realize that I am stepping into the place of "elder"; the place that was occupied by my parents, aunts and uncles. I don't feel that I am ready for that, but I suppose they didn't either.

To Nancy Elizabeth Chapman Lewis, good bye sweet Lady. I have been blessed and I am a better woman for knowing you. But I send you back to the arms of your Homer, so see your parents Jesse and Amanda, to join your brothers who love you so.

Images of Mexico

2009-04-08T06:24:00.000-07:00

We had such a great time in Playa del Carmen, Mexico. Now that we've been home for awhile, it seems like dream.

I Do

2009-03-20T21:25:00.000-07:00

On February 21, 2009 with friends and family attending, I married my best friend. The ceremony performed by a friend, licensed to do such things. In a home owned by friends that have become family over the years. The Best Man, Matron of Honor, and music provided by such good people who are also considered family. Unmet friends gathered at the home, grabbed a glass of champagne, mingled, and waited for the appointed time.

I was escorted to my husband by a gentleman with whom I had been through so much with. He is a dear friend, who had been through heart failure and heart transplant. He had also been through 2 wars, serving his country proudly; escorting me to my husband in waiting, telling me that it was HIS honor to do so. I cried, and didn't stop crying until the vows were recited.

We wanted a ceremony that would be special for us, and also our friends and family; a day that would be comfortable to everyone in attendance.

We could not have asked for anything more comfortable and special.

For my Wedding

2009-02-21T06:54:00.000-08:00

The song that will be sung by Rob Campbell (RJC...he's one of the talented folks on my list) is "For my Wedding", originally sung by Don Henley on his "Inside Job" album. The opening lines of the song go something like;

For my wedding

I will dress in black

never more will I look back

on my dark angels

we must past

for I have made a sanctuary

of my heart.

And indeed I have found that sanctuary in the heart of Steve. He has been my best friend for 12 years. But it took a separation of 18 months to appreciate what we had together. Even while we were separated, we remained friends, nether one of us chasing the other, just enjoying each others company.

During our separation I experienced some devastating losses and intense stress. My father was re-diagnosed with the cancer that would eventually take his life in less than 4 months. During the last 2 months I lived with him in a vain attempt to take care of him and get him back to health. Right after his death, my pregnant daughter, grandson, and her soon to be ex-husband moved in with me at my father's house. I was working 12 hour night shifts to keep the bills paid and roof over our heads took its toll. A year after my father died, I was nearly bankrupt, exhausted; I couldn't do it by myself anymore. I struggled with that guilt for nearly a year after my daughter and two grandchildren went to live with my youngest daughter and son-in-law in Minnesota, and I began the process of putting my life back together. Steve was there all of that time. Watching, encouraging, nagging, all with great care and love.

Today, in front of family and friends, we will be married. A promise to be there for each other for the rest of our lives. For better for worse. We have been there and have no illusions that there will be a happily ever after without a lot of compromise and hard work, with a few misunderstandings along the way. I will be thinking of my parents, both gone. A wish that my Aunt and Uncle could be here to be witness the wedding, but they are both over 90 and traveling is difficult.

But I know that I am loved.

I am happy.

Technique Thursday

2009-01-30T12:14:00.000-08:00

I finally have another challenge done! I'm cheating a little, since this 4x4 was done for an ArtChix swap. The background was a map of Paris from a 1960's encyclopedia, you find inspiration anywhere! Thanks for peeking in!

Sunday Postcard Art

2009-01-24T18:02:00.000-08:00

Finally! I finally have a web challenge done! This is a digital postcard featuring my cat Raider. Thanks for peeking in !

2 sides of the same Kid

2009-01-24T06:46:00.000-08:00

I, like every other grandmother out there, believe that their grandchildren are the best. This is my now 3 year old grandson, Ian. He and his sister are the lights in my life.

However, like any 3 year old, he flips from a great mood to cranky at the drop of a hat. My youngest daughter sent me these pictures of my "Dude".

I am sure that when he is 18, he won't find these pictures amusing, especially if I pull them out to show a current girlfriend.

Learning Curve

2009-01-22T12:21:00.000-08:00

Last night I sat at the beside of a woman while she died.

I sat there to give comfort to her husband during the process. I sat there so he wouldn't be alone while his life faded with hers.

As I sat there I saw the power of commitment, of love. I saw what as so common place for our parents and so scarce for us and our children.

This man who stayed with his wife for 38 years was illiterate. While she took care of those things that required reading, writing, and numbers; he took care of her physically. She was very ill, requiring a caretaker, a role that he accepted with devotion. He now will face a life alone, with no family and scared at his age how he will be able to survive without her loving help. I sat and cried with him while we watched the heart monitor blip slower and slower until the line was flat. We measured our breaths with hers. And at times, it felt as though I was holding my breath as hers became shallow. The quiet dignity of the room was only broken by the occasional heavy sigh or the sound of a Kleenex being pulled out of the box. As I put my hand on his shoulder, he held her hand for that last time, and then let her go.

In this world of entitlement, this man never asked for a thing. As I spoke with him he told me that he worked all of his life by the "strength of his back", never asking for help. He earned what he had and if he couldn't afford it, he didn't need it. And even at this time, he didn't ask me for a thing, although he confided in me that he didn't know how he was going to bury her, but he would try to find a way.

The care and commitment of our generation to our family members has diminished over time. Our commitment to those we marry lasts as long as we are having fun, or getting our way. For better, for worse, richer or poorer, does not apply anymore. Till death us do part is now translated to mean "Until I get bored."

He did not ask me to get the county to pay for his wife's cremation. Although I have had families come to me asking for that service saying they have no money while wearing diamond rings and carrying designer purses. Folks demanding that I find money to pay for their asthma medication all the while knowing that their shortness of breath was proceeded by the use of methamphetamine and cigarettes.

A new poll has come out to say that with the new president in office, more people are feeling optimistic about their future. I truly hope that this new optimism extends to our families and community. I hope that we, individually, and as a society, stop looking at ourselves as entitled to goods and services; never thinking about what we need to give back. I hope that we can transform and remember that the greatest gift in life is not what we are given, but what we give back to others.

I'm proud to announce....

2009-01-21T04:51:00.000-08:00

The Chiggers have a new CD!

And what makes it more exciting for me is that I'm singing on one of the tracks!

The Chiggers write, play, and produce country music with a southern flair. This is fun stuff on the CD! If you click on on "The Chiggers" link here on the right you can hear their music on a web site called "SongRamp" This site has oodles of musicians from around the world with their original music under many genre headings. If you like music, I know there will be something there for you.

Steve Oxford aka Sid Chigger also has opened a demo studio called Chigger Tracks. If your a musician needing demo services, I do recommend that you contact Steve at Chigger Tracks. You can do that by clicking the link for the Chiggers on the right here or Googling Chigger Tracks on the web. (Tell em Sweetcheeks said Hi!)

Happy New Year!

2008-12-31T19:41:00.000-08:00

I am not a person who usually makes the traditional New Year's resolutions, unless it is the one that is that I WON'T make any resolutions! I find that January 1st is the holiday of good intentions. In all of my 49 years don't think I have kept one of the resolutions that I have made. And trust me, I have made some that were really for the best of me. Of the times that I have made the decision to change my life, I have ridden out this holiday strong in the conviction that I could do it, because I had already been making the effort.

But, I do like to celebrate the beginning of a new start!

And a new start it is for me.

This year I start without my daughters or grandchildren about. I start being engaged to a very good man who has had my heart for a long time, even though I denied it. I find myself in a career that I have a love/hate relationship with. I still have very good and old friends as well as new ones that enrich my life. All in all, I start this year a very lucky and rich woman.

Yes, there are many things that I don't have. There are things that I daydream of, sending a silent prayer to the heaven of gratitude for that fantasy to come true. But in my heart of hearts that its is a prayer that will not come true. Not for the fact that that I am unloved or forgotten, far from it. I know that I am a person that has much to give, and the fulfilling of my fantasy would prevent me from being all that I can be in this life.

Happy New Year to all who read this. I wish for you all that you can be in this life. I guess in a sense that is both a blessing and a curse. We never know how that potential will be brought about in our lives; whether by trial or by gift. We always get what we need but it never really comes to us as we want.

But may we always have the best that life has to offer.

Merry Christmas

2008-12-25T09:56:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas to one and all.

Whether its Christmas, the Winter Solstice, Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa, a celebration of new beginnings and family is at hand. For all of us, we have our own deep personal meaning to this day. Although, I'll be the first one to admit that I love to immerse myself in the mythology and traditions of Santa Claus. There are ideals there that are worth keeping; selflessness in the act of giving without expecting anything in return, looking for the best in others, being nice instead of naughty. There is magic in children leaving cookies and milk out of Santa ( and hopefully carrots for the reindeer!). Carols that survive the ages are still sung, snow people are built in front yards, unless you life in the American Southwest where they are built of tumbleweeds. Families watch "Its a Wonderful Life" , "How the Grinch stole Christmas" and "A Christmas Carol", cookies and other baked goods are made by the dozens to be shared with family and friends. Weeks of shopping is rewarded with the "Oh thank you! How did you know I wanted that!?"

Charles Dickens had it right when he ended "A Christmas Carol" with the thought that Mr. Scrooge held Christmas in his heart everyday for the rest of his life. I do believe that if we could all do those things that we labor so hard for at this time of year, that this would be a better place for all of us. The feelings of good will towards all men would be extended despite the economy and political battles. Our neighbors would be more important than ideologies. We know celebrities better than we do the people next door to us. Maybe if we kept Christmas in our hearts as did Mr. Scrooge treating others as we wish to be treated would become the rule and not the exception.

To all who wander here, I wish you a very Merry Christmas, however you celebrate this day. I wish for you love and peace in your heart and soul, for your family and friends.

To My Songramp friends...

2008-12-15T05:37:00.000-08:00

Some of the most talented people I know. Thank you for the music and the laughter.

Black Friday

2008-11-28T21:44:00.001-08:00

Today was the infamous "Black Friday", the day after Thanksgiving, when the official buying season begins for Christmas. I was out early today because I had to go to work and saw the line around the local Target store. Lots of folks trying to keep warm until the doors open at 6 am. The local outlit mall a few miles up the road actually opened up at midnight with their "super saver" deals, there was a part of me that wondered if anyone actually made it. The rest of me was glad to be in bed at that time.

I think it strange that I was sitting at my computer last night when I heard a person say that it may be time that we start to live "below our means". Meaning that maybe we don't need the toys and goodies. That maybe the attitude that bigger is better and more is essential for our happiness is or at least should be, at an end. And it gave me pause to wonder, especially now when our financial worlds are strained to the point to shattering.

It may be against the "American Way" that says we want more and better for our children than we had. Certainly my parents thought that way. But we also have this hidden respect and sense of awe for our grandparents and greatgrandparents who seemed to do so much with so much less. Time seemed to move slower, family and friends were more important, the simple act of reading or holding conversations were the entertainment of the day; not playing video games, texting, or e-mailing. Actually sitting across from someone, looking into their eyes and hearing their words. Men and women took pride in their handiwork, creating pieces of beauty that are now passed down in families with reverence. Great-grandma may have taken an entire year to make that quilt, or Grandpa constructed that chest for as a gift which now takes a place of honor in the home. Are we sure that we have it so good now?

Brigham Young, the second president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, once told his daughters after the coming of the railroad to Utah, "Use it up, where it out, make it do, or do without." Or at least that is the legend. It does have a ring of truth to it if you think about it. Teenage girls will always want to have new and pretty to impress each other and boys. While I am not a member of the LDS church, I wonder if its leader doesn't have a point that is still relevant today.

Maybe it is time to live below our means. To enjoy what we have, here and now. We are all entitled to what we have worked for and earned. But does that mean that we need to be in a constant quest for the new and improved, and at what cost to our health? Our peace of mind? Our families? I can only answer that question for myself. I only pose the question for you, but it is for you to answer for yourself.

It may very well be time for me to once again re-assess my priorities. And I will have to ask myself if I can live with the temporary sense of dis-satification when my friends, family, and co-workers brag about their newest aquisitions. Maybe it is time for me to learn the lesson about keeping up with the Joneses, seeing the path that so many of them are on, and what they are losing.

My not taking part in this years Black Friday will not bankrupt the economy any more than it is, but it will go a long way in not bankrupting me.

2008-11-27T08:29:00.000-08:00

A very happy Thanksgiving to all who pass by this site. Our Thanksgiving has a short but meaningful tradition, but it seems to me that to have just one day to focus on what is working in our lives is just not enough.

I have been working on changing my perspective of my life. I really believe that if you change the way that you see things, that you do change your world. Doors open that you didn't allow yourself to see before. Ideas and inspirations seem to flow more easily into the consciousness. Help and comfort are not as far away as we thought originally.

On one of the web sites that I frequent asked us to post 10 things that we are grateful for. While this sounds very mundane, I thought I'd give it a shot. I also figured that if I couldn't come up with 10, I need more work on my perspective.

1) For the most part, I'm healthy. Yes, I could focus on the fact that I have high blood pressure and a serious back problem. But I can do something about those. Which brings me to...

2)I'm not helpless. I do have choices to make my life BETTER. I am not at the mercy of someone else making my life choices for me. It would also be a choice to allow someone to do that for me!

3)My daughters and grandbabies are healthy and for the most part, happy. I could dwell on the fact that they are no longer close to me, and spending the holidays with them isn't possible like it was. I could whine about how much I miss them, and all of that would be true. But what is truth, is that I love them, they are happy and they are living their lives true to themselves.

4)I have someone who loves me. This gentleman has known me for years and loves me anyway, warts and all. He grounds me, he drives me crazy. He challenges me, he calms me. For 12 years he has been my companion and best friend.

5) And he would like to marry me.

6) I am employed. I am so grateful that I have a job, a career. Even though this job drives me and my blood pressure crazy. I'll take it.

7)I have a home.

8)I still have my sense of humor.

9)I still have plans and goals for my life. There are so many things I want to do, I just need to make time for them.

10)I'm alive. For all of its glory and pain. I'm here.

I see the World softly

2008-11-14T14:04:00.000-08:00

This layout has been done for my friend Diane Rulliere. She is one of those people that has the gift of using words to paint pictures in your heart and soul. She also has a wonderful ability to see beauty in the world and can capture that vision with her photographs. While she isn't a musician per se, she inspires in others the music that makes her lyrics dance. There is a link to her music here on my blog. Please visit her and tell her I said Hi!

I see the World softly by Diane Rulliere

(with some minor changes by me)

I'm not living in a bubble...in spite of what you've heard

I've had my share of troubles..and I'm talking more than just cross words.

I've spent some time in bedlam...been to purgatory too

But when I look at the sky, I'm still searching for the blue.

I try...yes, I try

and you laugh...yes, you laugh at me

You say I'm too naive to see

(Have I lost touch with reality?)

What's there right in front of me

I see the world softly.

I've wandered with the homeless...and I've lost my own way home

I've ease an old man's loneliness...as I watched him turn to stone

I've listened to the broken hearts...in so many midnight bars

But even in the darkest night, I'm still looking for the stars

I try...yes I try

You can laugh...you can laugh at me

You can say I'm too dumb to see

You can say I'm too blind to see

What's there right in front of me

I see the world softly

Mental Health Day

2008-11-13T05:10:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a mental health day. Pure and simple. Yesterday was about getting out, getting away, and getting a new perspective. I am tired, I am at my end. I need a recharge and this was it. So I went to the LA Arboretum with camera in hand for a walk-a-bout. The house that you see is a California historical landmark, a Queen Anne style house built for entertaining by "Lucky" Baldwin. It is more famous for its bell tower. Remember "Fantasy Island"? Tattoo yelling "The plane! The plane!"? Yep, that's the same tower.

There are many gardens to wander through. Noises to hear, flowers to smell, wildlife to watch. One of the things that first impressed me were the peacocks and hens. They have no real fear of humans or the equipment used to keep the property in trim. They wander at will, including from table to table at the Cafe while your eating or talking with your companion. Hawks soar, hummingbirds zoom and twitter, and the occasional call of the peacock. Turtles in the lake sunning themselves on fallen tree branches that have fallen in the lake, carp breaking the surface of the water to suck in food. The variety of colors of the flowers, blooms from small to large and everything in between, the smell of fresh cut grass, the hum of bees as they went from bloom to bloom, the feel of the breeze on my face, the warmth of the sun on my skin. All of this was life in action.

So much to see if I just stay still and quiet for a time.

Learning Curve

2008-11-05T04:56:00.000-08:00

There are times for me that I have to look for the beauty amongst the bleak. This is one of those times. It has nothing to do with any political landscape. It is the landscape of my own heart and soul.

It has been said, and I have even uttered the words that the older I got, the more intelligent my parents became. And now as a mother and grandmother, I understand the hope and pain that our parents quietly (and sometimes not so quietly in my case) endured. We work hard to raise our children with the tools to go out and live honest, productive, and loving lives. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. Then we have to sit and watch their lives unfold from the sidelines.

It is in times like these however, that we find out what kind of relationship we have with our family members. Will they talk with us about their decisions? Do they trust us enough to do that? Can we allow them to make their decisions without getting in their way? Can we love them through our own pain? And if it doesn't work out for them, do we have the strength to NOT say "I told you so."? Will the worry ever go away? I don't know the answer to that last question.

I find it another paradox in my life that while at my age I am looking forward to having my life back; to have a sense of freedom that those with family at home to take care of do not have. On the other hand I find that I long to have my family close. I want to be able to tuck my grandbabies in at night and talk with my children.

So for now, I will look for those small, bright colored desert flowers surrounded by thorns. I will learn to enjoy the beauty, the color, and the courage it takes for them to appear in such harsh conditions.

Dia de los Muertos

2008-11-01T08:01:00.000-07:00

The honoring and rememberence of those who have gone before does not end with Halloween or Samhain. Today is Dia de los Muertos, or Day of the Dead.

Today people will gather in homes and in cemeteries to celebrate life. Does that sound like a paradox? It is.

Families will decorate alters and graveyards with colorful decorations, music will play, candles and incense will be lit. Special food prepared and shared with both the living and the dead. Stories told, laughter heard, the bonds of family strengthened.

All life has a cycle. Its something that we are all aware of, but we'd rather not think of the end of that cycle. That cycle is sacred. Life is sacred. But we just don't want to think about death and how to honor that part of life.

I work in a hospital. I have been involved with "Code Blue" and even performed chest compressions on those folks who want everything done to keep them alive. It can be a brutal thing to do to a person. Sometimes I have wondered why? Why are we doing all of this on a 90 year old person with Alzheimer's? Or terminal cancer? Or end stage liver or kidney failure? Is it because we are more afraid of death than we are of living with the disease and its treatment no matter how hard it is to go through? My personal opinion is that just because we have the technology doesn't mean we always need to use it. We need to enjoy every stage of life.

I hope today that you will honor those who have gone on before you. Remember them with love, a smile, a laugh, with joy.

Happy Halloween!

2008-10-31T08:37:00.000-07:00

This has got to be my favorite holiday of the whole year. The crispness in the air, the sound of giggling children going door to door; hoards of little witches, ghosts, goblins, pirates and princesses Trick or Treating.

I am also one who loves the traditions and mythologies behind the holidays. That any of the old ways have survived to be part of this holiday, or any other holiday is amazing to me.

So light the Jack-o-lanterns, let the little ones dress up and trick-or-treat (don't forget to say thank you!), enjoy the turning of the season as the days are becoming shorter, nights longer.

The comfort of the cycle of days and years continues; fall to winter, spring to summer. Enjoy.

The Love of Parents

2008-10-28T18:55:00.000-07:00

This was my final entry for the New Kids on the Block contest for Digital Scrapbook Place. The photos are of my parents, both deceased, my daughters, son-in-law, the grandkids, and me.

Some of the elements in the layout have been altered either by re-coloring them or de-saturating the colors, whatever I needed to do to make it work.

The contest started out with over 100 beginning digital scrapbookers and ended up with 50 or so who made it through all 3 rounds.

I am very proud to say...I placed 7th.

My first dance

2008-10-28T10:21:00.000-07:00

Yes, I did it. And here's the pic to prove it. I belly danced in public for the first time. It wasn't perfect and I had issues with this costume. But I did it! I danced, moved, smiled, and enjoyed the freedom of it all. I enjoyed the live drummers that we had with us and found that as I was standing listening that I was moving my hands and hips in time with the beat. The music moved me.

Now it is time for me to become stronger, more flexible, confident, moving gracefully through my days, comfortable in my own body. And with that will be an acceptance that I will never look "model thin"( quite frankly I don't have the time to put into that effort), but I will have a confidence of an older woman who is taking care of herself and not ashamed of becoming older.

My Girls - 1984

2008-10-16T19:03:00.000-07:00

One of the reasons that I create stuff, is that I want a tangible record that I lived. It is very important to me that I give to my children and grandchildren a record of life, not only of mine but of the family that they have never met. I suppose part of that comes from not having much of an extended family myself. I grew up an only child; awkward, shy, overweight, alone and very lonely. I didn't excel at anything. I was the one that you really didn't know was in class. My parents worked hard and had their own issues that I stayed far away from. My extended family I barely knew and rarely saw, except for my paternal Grandmother who lived with each of her children at one time or another.

Family is so important to me. I am now an "orphan", both of my parents have passed away. I have tried to instill in my daughters the bonds of family and loyalty, even though I was a very poor role model.

We all have survived, and in a sense thrived. My daughters are very good women. I have two grandchildren that are adored and sheltered by us. I have a son-in-law that is the best. He has served his country in Iraq, and has paid a price for that service. He is a loving, caring, man. I am a blessed woman to have such a family.

This picture is from 1984. My youngest is on the left, oldest on the right. They truly are best of friends and worst of enemies. But despite all of that, they are family. They fight each other but unite to take on the world together. I am blessed.

Ophelia - TMTATC

2008-10-14T10:04:00.000-07:00

Ophelia is a tragic character in Shakespeare's play "Hamlet". She seems to be doomed from the start, in love to a man that is on the edge of madness; being torn and taunted, loved and put aside. She's manipulated by her father for his gain. She loved and lost everything including her life. She was found drowned, a victim of suicide. It is from her character that we learn of the "language of flowers". She says "There's rosemary, that's for rememberence. Pray you, love, remember. And then there's pansies, thats for thoughts. There's fennel for you, and columbines." In the end, she faded like the flowers she was associated with.

The image is from ArtChix Studios, the brighter pink flowers I cut out from a magazine. The leaves are some punch outs that I have had for a while now.

This was a more challenging prompt! But I enjoyed seeing how I could do it!

The Kissy Fairy

2008-10-13T04:31:00.000-07:00

Fall

2008-10-12T06:51:00.000-07:00

Fall has arrived. In some places it is heralded by the changing colors of the leaves, a crispness in the air, the layering of clothing, mixed with the sounds of children making their way to school.

In others it is a time to put on shorts and hit the beach or garden as it is getting warmer. Winter cloths are put away, and cool drinks are a welcome refreshment.

Where ever you are, I hope this fall day finds you well and happy. And thank you for peaking in.

Learning Curve

2008-10-09T04:56:00.000-07:00

I have signed up for a contest called New Kids on the Block through Digital Scrapbook Place. It is a contest strictly for beginners like me with less than 20 layouts posted. No professionals thank you. There is such a learning curve to all of this. With paper layouts, if I wanted something, I just went out and got it. With this contest you have to work with the kit you are provided, although you can alter the colors etc. with digital modifications. It is meant to be a growth and learning experience, and it is.

Sometimes I wonder why I stretch myself too far sometimes. Am I running from something? Towards something? Feeling lost and needing direction? I haven't stopped long enough to figure it out quite frankly. But between work (and lots of it), the contest, belly dancing, needing to swim so that I can learn to scuba dive, and the regular chores of life like laundry, cleaning house, cooking, paying bills and all...I'm tired. Just like the rest of the population.

I think that part of my problem is that with my work I tend to deal with so many problems under the mandate of "You have to fix this" that when I get home, I need the escape. I hope that in the next few weeks, I will settle into a routine and find my balance again.

Think Monday ATC

2008-10-05T05:28:00.000-07:00

I'm just under the wire here with this weeks ATC. The prompt was...ta-dah! Coffee!! Ah, a hot cup of inspiration in the morning or in some cases, a mug of help when I have a migraine headache.

I cheated a bit on this one I think. What I did was re-arrange the packaging from coffee that I received as a gift. My friend went to Holland and brought a "brick" of coffee back to me. Well, that was a couple of years ago. Bless the Dutch, this brick of coffee was vacuumed sealed and I am enjoying some as I type.

I have an hour before I have to get ready for work, I will enjoy a quiet morning with a hot cup of coffee, watching the sun come up and listening for the birds to begin singing.

Grandma and Jayna

2008-10-02T06:16:00.000-07:00

My first digital page without any assistance, and of course, it is all about my Grandchildren. I miss them more than I can say. Just that thought can move me to tears.

With all of the uncertainty in the world right now, at least our families and friends can be a shelter in the storm...if we let them. Hug time a little tighter, smile longer, laugh freely, listen patiently, and know in your heart and soul that you are not alone.

Another lesson completed

2008-09-30T06:02:00.000-07:00

I am working hard to get through the lessons that I signed up for learning to scrap with Photoshop Elements. This graphic is the last in the 4 lessons. I haven't completed #3 yet. During this lesson I found that I could crash the program without really trying. I am working on a Mac, and the lessons are really for a Window format. Oh yeah, I'm a techno-dork.

I have been enjoying my mornings with my coffee and computer before work. Its been quiet, I have some feral kittens that come to the door every morning while I am scrapping and look for food. (Yes, I feed them and pet them while they eat.) I listen for the sound of the early birds singing the sun up, and prepare myself for the day ahead. This is one of the best parts of my day. I will have to start adding some yoga to this routine, I know. I have had back pain everyday for the last 6 months. The best I felt was the day after the belly dancing workshops, I woke up with no pain at all. Those workshops were so much fun! I'll tell you about it later.

MM2 - Autumn

2008-09-22T04:49:00.000-07:00

Yeah! I finally got another challenge done! This one is for Make a Moo 2. The challenge prompt was autumn. I have this yummy fall colored leaf that I used to make the image. The image itself was stamped on the back of the leafed paper and then cut out and glued onto the base. I cut the whole thing out again to make the Moo's and inked the edges.

The colors are much more vivid than they are in the picture. I really like how this one turned out.

Huntington Library

2008-09-20T18:50:00.000-07:00

This is the second all digital layout I have done through Digital Scrapbook Place. I am working my way though lessons on using Photoshop Elements 6. As the title says these are pictures from the Huntington Library in Southern California. They have wonderful areas though out the grounds; this being the Oriental area. When I was there this spring it wasn't completed yet, but beautiful and peaceful none the less. On the lake there is a tea house with many different types of tea for sale and an area to drink them by the lake. I am hoping to go back there when the colors change on the follage. In a traditional oriental garden, thought is given to how the garden will look though all 4 seasons, not just one or two.

TMTATC - Dance

2008-09-13T16:01:00.001-07:00

Phew! I didn't think I could get something done before the deadline!

Thank you for peeking in. Please leave a comment and let me know where your from!

Links

2008-09-09T20:36:00.000-07:00

I feel very lucky now to have this blog. I am enjoying posting here and also the community of bloggers that I get to explore when I log on. Whoever you are, THANK YOU for peeking in on my little world!

If you feel so inclined and scroll down to see the rest of my posts you will see other sites and people who have given my permission to post them here.

Just as a note, I do not post any site to visit that I have not already posted to or participated in myself. I won't post a challenge site until I have met a challenge. Surf Diva, Skydive Elsinore? I have taken classes there. Anaya Tribal, I have some beautiful belly dance cloths from them. Songramp? Oh my dears, there are so many talented, musicians, writers, and singers there. For many of them music is a passion that is supported by their day to day job. Me? I'm a backup shower singer! But a very talented friend of mine introduced me to his music and that of the Ramp. (I haven't asked permission to link up to him yet...)

I hope that you will visit those folks that have graciously allowed me to posted their names and sites. I hope that the more that I get around here, folks won't think it odd that an almost virtual stranger says "Wanna link up?"

Digi-Scrapping

2008-09-05T22:47:00.000-07:00

I am sharing with you my first digital scrapbooking layout. I am taking a class though Digital Scrapbook Place using Photoshop Elements 6. While there is no muss, no fuss in making the layout, there is quite a learning curve using a new program.

Each week, the homework gets a little more involved, using more of the tools that come with the program. I am proud that I got this first one done.

This smiling little boy is my grandson Ian. He and his sister Jayna are true joys in my life. (And I miss them terribly).

Another year older

2008-09-05T10:27:00.000-07:00

At the end of the month, I turn 49. I am not afraid to say that nor am I scared of turning 50. There seems to be a birthday in everyones' life that scares them. Maybe its because it reminds them of their mortality; that they are getting "old", or that they haven't met some life goal that was set long ago. What ever it is there is some sort of life inventory that is done to measure just how well they have done so far. I have already had that one. For me it was 30, and that entire decade was the worst time of my life. I learned quite a bit about myself during that time and I had to learn it the hard way. Now, I look forward to being 50. I think it will be a fabulous time for me.

A couple of years ago when I took surfing lessons in LaJolla, CA, I decided that for my 50th, I wanted to go to Hawaii and long board there. While I still would like to do that, I don't think that I can do that before I turn a half century old. But I think that I am going to learn to scuba dive. That is something that I can do.

The pic that I posted is from a dive that my boyfriend did last year in Catalina Island in California. I have reservations about it of course. I do know that there are dangers in diving and there is the fear of being underwater. But from those people that I have talked to who do dive, they are enchanted by what they have experienced while being submerged into that world. I think that I would like to try that. And if I happen to win the lottery I can go to Hawaii and both surf and scuba! Now THERE is a goal!

This item on the to-do list may change or it may not, and if it does I'm alright with that. My life is no longer scribed into stone. It is a changeable thing, and my job is to learn to go with the flow of whatever it brings. But it is also good for me to have markers or goals to work for. If I reach them or not, I still strive to endure, enrich, and enjoy what has been given to me.

Isaiah's Miracle - The MISS Foundation

2008-08-28T15:14:00.000-07:00

Some days I really hate my job. It comes complete with people who really believe that the world owes them something, anything, everything! My job also comes with a complete list of limitations that I have to work within which makes the job that much more difficult. I went into work and had a message on my phone that said that there was a new mother the hospital. Her son, Isaiah, was born with a terrible birth defect and passed away a few minutes after arriving into this world. The mother was distraught; the staff was having a hard time with her. To add insult to injury, the family did not have the support or the resources to bury their baby. She needed help.

I went to her room and talked with her. She apologized for her "temper tantrum" as she put it, and said that she didn't know what she was going to do. I promised that I would do my best to help, not knowing at the time what is was I could do. My co-worker had already been on the phone with one organization who said they wouldn't help because Isaiah had such a terrible defect. I was stunned by that comment. I spent the rest of the day on the phone and the internet looking for resources. For the family not to have closure with their son was unthinkable to me.

I came across a web site for parents of stillborns, the MISS Foundation. I e-mailed them hoping for a telephone number, anything to get me to that next step. I told them about the situation, what I had done, and what I needed. And then I said a silent prayer and hit the send button. Within 2 hours, I had the help that I needed. Thanks to this wonderful organization, Isaiah's family will have the peace and closure that they need. I am still in awe of this miracle, and to me, it is a miracle for this family that unmet friends reached out to this family in such a dark time.

The MISS Foundation is an organization for families of still born children. They help with support for families, educational materials for both professionals and non-professionals, gentle help in planning of the funeral (that guide I printed out for the Mom, she was so grateful for that help.), and so much more. This group runs on volunteerism and donations. Please visit them at : http://missfoundation.org/

That quiet place

2008-08-26T19:41:00.000-07:00

I have a quote in my office that says (paraphrased) "Courage is sometimes that quiet voice inside that says I'll try again tomorrow." Those are the days that I come home and look for that quiet place within. I'm not hiding, I'm re-grouping. There was a time in my life that I hid from everything and everyone; looking for that "Prince Charming" so come and rescue me from myself and the life I had created and hated.

I have learned in the last few years that this life is mine to invent everyday, for better or for worse. I have learned to take responsibility for those actions. In my professional life, I work with those individuals whose lives are a tangle of bad choices. I get called upon when no one knows what else to do. I am part nurse, social worker, friend, enemy, and miracle worker. And I see where I could have so easily been. It scares me sometimes.

I look for that place of calm when my world gets to be overwhelming. I look for the mundane miracle. Something so ordinary that it could be easily overlooked. A hummingbird, butterfly, a circling hawk, a giggling baby, a hug from a friend, hearing " I love you" from someone who means the world to you, the scent of lavender, roses, or lilacs drifting on a gentle breeze... any number of things that ordinarily we could take for granted. But for just a moment we stop, take a deep breath, and remember that we don't have to have all the answers all the time. It is alright to stop for awhile and rest on the side of the road, knowing that we will begin again tomorrow.

I hope that you find that quiet place within and around you today. I hope that you know that your greatest courage is the ability to try again tomorrow.

Starting over.

2008-08-24T17:59:00.000-07:00

I really didn't want to have to start my life over again. Again being for the third time in 18 months. But here it is.

Last Sunday I found the words, "its time for me to go." coming out of my mouth. I never thought that I would ever say those words or anything else like them. I have always been the one who would hang on longer than was necessary. And within 48 hours, I was starting over in a new place. I am relaxing for the first time in a very long time. I am not worried about having to prove myself. I can just be me. Whatever that is. And I don't mean that in a way that says that I don't know myself, I do. Its just that I change my mind, my mood, my attention, my cloths, hair, and hormones....

For the first time in a long time I am not really worried about what is ahead. I'll take that as it comes.

Sunday Postcard Art - Children

2008-08-22T18:35:00.000-07:00

I realized after I put this together that it reminded me of the children's story "A Secret Garden" one of my favorite books both as a child and adult. The images are from Art Chix. The "lock" I had to color with the help of alcohol inks. The flowers, leaves, and butterfly were cut out from the background paper, edges inked to help them to stand out from the background and then glued to the postcard. After I was done and looking though my view finder, I wasn't really happy that the images weren't really "popping". So I took one of my brush markers and went around the images to drop "shadows" around them.

Thank you for stopping by!

Learning Curve

2008-08-16T08:18:00.001-07:00

It never fails that when you think you have everything figured out, something changes that view, and the learning curve starts again. And that's where you find me right now.

I decided that I was going to learn how to do digital scrapbooking. The technology is great, the digital kits are really nice, and heaven knows I have the pictures. I found Digital Scrapbook Place and I was hooked. Big community of people with the same interest and passion to preserve their life's memories. While lurking around, I discovered that I could probably download a version of the photo editing program I was thinking about buying. PERFECT! The people at DSP were nice enough to give me a welcome gift for registering, and with the photo editing program downloaded, viola!, I could get my first page done and see if I really like digi-scrapping or not.

Well, here came the learning curve....the photo editing program freezes up when I try to import pictures from an existing photo program. And then there is the learning of a whole new language and way of doing things...click that, open this, layer those... and the list goes on. To say that I feel lost would be an understatement. The programers of the photo editing program know that there are those of us who are having the freezing problem, the people at DSP are wonderful at helping beginners like me struggle through those first few pages. So I have signed up for their beginner online class in my chosen photo program, I read the tutorials and manuals. I am not giving up. It will be a great day when I can post a link to my first digital scrapbooking page here.

I am having a great time with the belly dancing too! However there is a learning curve with that one as well! Ok, that's a big "duh". But how in the world are you supposed to shimmy your hips and then move them side to side at the same time? The answer: practice. So with hip scarf in place, I stand in front of a mirror and practice until my back tells me its time to quit, and then I go do some abdominal crunches to build up some strength. For my birthday present, I gifted myself with a couple of classes at "Tribal LA", a belly dancers treat! A weekend of dancers, dancing, classes, food, and shopping. One is a beginners class in Tribal style dancing, the other class is for strength conditioning, muscle memory, and fluidity of movement. If Lara is reading this, I have given it some thought about posting a pic of myself in my new belly dancing duds thanks to you. I think I may be taking you up on that "challenge" of posting that pic!

Crazy Amigo Challenge - Free Theme!

2008-08-15T06:59:00.000-07:00

For the free theme I decided to repost the journal. So I guess you could theme this one - handmade backgrounds, rubber stamping, journals, book binding, recycling...

The background is an old hardcover book covered with newspaper, and layers of acrylic paint and gesso, then rubber stamped and painted with Lumiere and white gel pens. The signatures of the book were made from drawing paper and sewn in with hemp thread.

This was a personal challenge to create something useful (the book went to my friend Diane who writes wonderful lyrics. Please check out her songs by clicking on the link on the right. You never know, you might find that bit of inspiration when your in that creative slump!

Sunday Postcard Art - Doors

2008-08-10T21:37:00.000-07:00

There are a few challenge sites that I like to visit. My problem is that after I see them all (each one begins and ends on a different day), and jot down the prompt, it is almost too late for me to create something and post it. This time I did the smart thing and read ahead! Boy am I glad that I did. Sunday Postcard Art posted the prompt "Doors" and I was all over that one.

The picture is an original that I took at the Mission San Juan Capistrano (yes, the same ones that the swallows have flown back to on St. Joseph's Day for decades.) And for good measure, I printed it out on a transparency. I wasn't sure if I was going to back it with faint writing. Not sure about what I was going to do with the background, I decided to drag out my Adirondack alcohol inks and started playing on some glossy card stock I bought 5 years ago and forgot about. Too my very pleasant surprise what I came up with almost matched the stucco on the walls in the picture. The words "Waiting on You" are also on a transparency, but I have to thank ArtChix for that.

I am very please with the way that it all turned out.

TMTATC - Turquoise

2008-08-10T05:53:00.001-07:00

I had just purchased my first bottle of Glimmer Mist in Patina when this challenge came up, I was glad to be able to use it. I also layered watercolors over the top of that, although you may not be able to see it in this photo. I made several ATC backgrounds at the same time after reading an article in the recent "Cloth, Paper, Scissors" called "Art at the Speed of Life" by Pam Carriker. (Except she does ATC's, canvas, and journal pages too!...I feel like such a slacker...sigh)

I really did it!

2008-08-09T10:13:00.000-07:00

I had made the comment in my previous post that I had gone skydiving after the death of my father, just to prove to myself, that I could face any challenge. If I could jump out of a good airplane and fall to the earth at 120 mph...the rest would look easy! I wanted to share with you a few of the pics from that jump.

Taking Chances

2008-08-02T06:57:00.000-07:00

There comes a time for all of us when we just have to bite the bullet so to speak, and just do SOMETHING. Something different. Something that explores or lets out a side of us that we have kept hidden from the rest of the world for whatever reason. Usually it is the old "what would the neighbors (boyfriend, husband, co-workers) think if they knew?" Now I am not suggesting anything deviant, I am just saying something out of the norm for us.

Last year, after my father died, I went skydiving. I figured that if I could jump out of a perfectly good airplane from 2 miles up, I could do anything. That was a once in a lifetime experience for me. Now a year later, I am once again facing more life changes, and I found that I needed to get out of the box that I had put myself in. I decided to take up belly dancing.

I did go through the whole "what would other people think" mode. And I did get the wink and a nod reaction from some people, thinking that I was doing this as a way to seduce a man. I patiently explained that I am having problems with my lower back and with my stress level. This is a wonderful way to provide physical therapy while getting out of the house and do something new.

I am loving it! I have even volunteered to dance in public for a Cancer Society event. I have started stretching and doing core exercises at home as well as practicing in front of a mirror. Unlike the picture that I selected, I will not be in a costume like that! I will be covered up! I have chosen a beautiful ghawzee coat, skirt, pantaloons, and dance bra from Anaya Tribal. I can't wait until they come in so I can start practicing in them.

The chance that I am taking is to do something different, to step out of my comfort zone, to risk what my friends and co-workers think of me. But more important, what I think of myself.

Wild Horse Stampede Days

2008-07-17T19:36:00.000-07:00

My kids and grandkids now live in what is considered a small town. Population of about 3,200 residents. Wolf Point, Montana is a reminder of a way of life that too many of us do not have the opportunity to remember.

While those of us may complain that we have to travel 20 minutes to the nearest Wal-Mart, these folk get to travel 92 miles or so and have to go to another state (North Dakota) to shop there. The volunteer fire department has to be called out by a siren that could be mistaken for a tornado warning, and have a fine record of getting their crews together and on scene quickly, even though this means that they have to leave their regular jobs and family to do so. The local theater is showing the new releases, the two movies that are available have to alternate showing times since there is only one screen. On Sundays, some of the businesses are closed, simply because it is Sunday. The newspaper is put out weekly, people know their neighbors by first name. Of course this also means that most of your business, personal and professional, may be known as well.

Wolf Point is not a wealthy town in terms of employment or mean income, but it is wealthy in tradition, having been a trading outpost since the 1800's. Lewis and Clark passed through not to far from Wolf Point on their way to the West Coast. Fort Peck, one of the last remaining active duty Forts in the United States is in the area as well. Many from the Sioux nation also live there, proud of their history and legacy.

The Wild Horse Stampede is the biggest event in the town all year. 3 days of rodeo, a street dance, hometown parade, good food provided by local venders.

I am really happy that I was able to get to see my family and be at the Stampede. This is a way of life that has and is slowly dying. It is good to know that just like the folk at Wolf Point, I can get by with less, and live a little more. Time doesn't have to move so fast, if I will only slow down.

4x4 Friday - Dymo Labels

2008-07-08T17:57:00.000-07:00

Dymo labels, now there is a blast from the past. I remember my father using them to label the contents of his workshop drawers. I even have a quote from my Uncle on clear acrylic that is just strips from the label maker.

For this challenge I recycled an ATC that I made last year with my dymo. I had to get one more challenge in before I leave on vacation. (I'm sorry for the slightly fuzzy photo)

Crazy Amigo Challenge - Travel

2008-07-08T06:57:00.000-07:00

I made this 4x4 after a friend of mine went home to Argentina to visit his family. The tag in the upper right corner is the sticker that was holding shut the paper bag of goodies that he brought back with him.

As for me, I do not get to go anywhere exotic this year, I will have to leave the dreams of seeing Italy, England, Costa Rica, and Hawaii right where they are. However, I do get to go see my children and grandchildren in Montana, a state that I have never visited. The kids gave me the tickets as my Mother's Day gift.

My kids say that there is a big rodeo in town this weekend, so I will get to see real cowboys up close and personal.

Mermaids - Gothic Arches Challenge

2008-07-05T19:55:00.000-07:00

Make a Moo - Asia Theme

2008-07-02T19:01:00.000-07:00

The theme challenge this week on the Make a Moo or 2 site is Asia. I also challenged myself to use only what I had on hand.

A place called Home

2008-06-26T20:32:00.000-07:00

I know that most of us have heard the saying "Home is where your heart is." or we remember Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz clicking her heels together and repeating, "There's no place like home." over and over again until she woke up from her dream. Lately, I have been musing about home. Where is it? What is it? When or will I ever know if I make it there?

It may sound silly or slightly melodramatic, but there are times that I feel like I am in the wrong place at the wrong time. I just don't belong where I am at, but I don't know where to go to; how to make the adjustments to being in the right place at the right time.

It is hard to me in these times to take that deep breath and just be; to quiet my heart and mind so that I will be able to see clearly and listen to my heart when the time comes to move to the next stage of my life.

Over my desk at work I have several quotes about courage for just those times when I am not quite sure of myself and wondering if I have have the strength to keep moving along. My favorite reads (paraphrasing) "Courage is sometimes that small voice at the end of the day that says 'I'll try again tomorrow."

I am not in that place that I can call home, although I am becoming more comfortable in this home of my body, and in my heart. I will be courageous enough to at least try again tomorrow, even if that means that I take that deep breath and live in the moment whatever that brings.

I am sure that by placing one slow foot in front of the other, I will find that someday, I will have come to that place of comfort and acceptance. Isn't that what home really is?

IMT - Everyday Art

2008-06-14T15:07:00.001-07:00

FH000026
Originally uploaded by wendy.strader

This is my first post for Inspire Me Thursday. The challenge this week is to find art in your everyday existence.
How often do we pass something so simple as a butterfly on a flower and not think twice. For me there is something very touching to be able to watch life in action, and not disturb it with my presence. This beautiful orange/black beauty in the green and purple bed of flowers is art. For more everyday art check out Inspire Me Thursday...the link is on the right ==>